Kristina's Journey to Life

I allowed myself to fall within this point of writing everyday. And have been given myself excuses to only post Journey to Life every other day – or at least that is the pattern I am allowing. Yet I realize the point of this process, and the fact that we are equally walking the same process. I didn’t know what to write about today, and so I took the dictionary and opened it up and looked at the first word my eyes focused on: GANG. I had a reaction come up. “What the fuck – how am I able to write about this word?” I did this because I was giving myself excuses that I didn’t know what to write about, and so I chose to use the support I have been given by others, to just open a book or dictionary and look at a word – see what comes up and write it out. So – I did this and I got ‘Gang’ – and I reacted to this world. I defined it as ‘negative’ and of no use for me in my applying freedom in writing or self forgiveness. Yet – already, within seeing there is a ‘negative charge to the ...

Tonight at work – I saw an experience of fear, justification and resentment play out. I was on a closing section – and so my responsibilities are to make sure everyone else is responsible for their specific responsibility during the work shift. Yet – I have always had difficulty ‘standing up’ and speaking up about these points – as authority has never been my ‘thing’. I fear people judging me for attempting to assert my position of authority – because that is what I do to others – judge them or have back chat about them for attempting to be an ‘authority figure’. Not always – but I have and can see why I fear people doing this to me – because I’ve done it. Usually when I get to work – I start doing what needs to be done to cover everyone, and myself so that we have everything we need. “setting up for success” as we call it in our business. While doing this – I saw the list was up already for who was responsible for what during the shift. I mentioned to a couple of people, “do you k...