Kristina's Journey to Life

What I've come to see, realize, and understand is that I am Worthy of Wealth because I was Born Wealthy.  The fact that I am breathing here, with a heart that pumps blood throughout my whole body, consistently, repeatedly, without doubt or question, assured... that tells me my worth.  I am worthy of being alive because I am.  I am worthy of this Earth because I am here.  I am worthy of Life because I was born.  I have been exploring this concept of wealth and money and worth lately - exploring ways to create more abundance and resources in my life and what I am coming to realize is that it's not about what's in my bank account, it's not about what paper I have to spend, it's not about that thing I am doing that will generate the flow I am looking for... It's about ME Realizing Who I really Am.  Because Who I really am is wealthy. Who I really am is rich in the truest sense, is worthy of everything because I AM everything! This idea that we have to work to g...

Art By:  Paulo Zerbato One point that came up as I was coming to an end of the 30-day of self-forgiveness was to continue the journey with a 30-days of sounding self-forgiveness. This would be to speak the self-forgiveness out loud, sounding myself as the words, as the forgiveness, with my voice. I thought that would be a very cool point to walk as I also have hardly given myself the opportunity to really establish myself within my voice, and my sound. What is interesting is one of the very first experiences I had with speaking self-forgiveness was quite radical in that I saw physically what I was moving within myself... how I was actually physically releasing these threads of information from myself, as giving up ideas, beliefs, self-definition, and limitations I've held onto for so long, and at the same time, experiencing this centering within myself, within the very core of myself. It was a remarkable experience because there was movement and substantiation with every li...

  A few weeks ago I was at the bank to deposit some money for a client. While I was there, the person behind the counter stopped what she was doing to mention that if the person who was receiving the deposit was not physically in the bank, they would not be able to transfer/wire the funds anywhere. She then explained to me the reason for such a rule, which seems obvious, yet something else came up within me in this moment. To consider the reasons why there are so many 'security checks' at banks - how we will not trust someone calling in asking for money to be wired to another account - is because there are people in this world who would try and take money from someone else if such an opportunity presented itself. Now we could go off into the direction of exploring and understanding why someone would attempt to take money that is not theirs, but rather here I want to explore another direction of this. There is distrust in this world... we do not trust each other because we ...

The last couple of months I've been quite satisfied with my self-direction day to day. Pushing myself to be more directive with myself, walking through resistances, and going beyond certain self-imposed limitation. The last two days I noticed an interesting thing... some old patterns creeping back up, tempting me to fall into some old ways. In allowing even one thought of justification, or excuse to not be absolutely clear, and directive with myself, can create a whole slew of similar thoughts and experiences that can create greater consequences in terms of my experience that I then must walk through again. One day I allowed one justification to not be self-directive, which led to the next day of that same experience being greater, and again giving into it. This was a red flag for me because clearly I could see an old pattern of behavior emerging... knowing that if I didn't stop this now, I would easily re-create what I've been so deliberate in changing the last cou...

Today I became a bit emotional while having a conversation with my partner. We were speaking about a chat I had earlier with a friend, and how we were discussing the point of me not yet having such a clear, specific, defined ‘point’ as a purpose I’m taking in my life . I have been busy getting my survival point in place since moving to Canada from the US, and I have not had a lot of time given to other aspects, or opportunities, or even interests in my life. While chatting with the friend, there was not an emotional energy around the topic of discussion, there was more an understanding of where I am currently, and where I have been, and what is necessary to move forward, as creating a stable living for myself, financially speaking, to ensure I am in a position to move within other things. It is quite difficult to focus on other aspects of one’s life when their financial situation (survival) is not secure. So now that that is stable, I can again, re-look at where I would like to i...

Last week I had a dream I died. I was walking on a street in a neighborhood, and some guy came past me very fast and shot me with a gun, straight into my neck. It was at point blank – there was no missing me, it was inevitable, I was going to die. In that moment, my initial experience / reaction was shock. This was it – it has happened and there is nothing stopping it, I am going to die. I started to breathe, I brought myself to my breath, realizing that is where I am and this was happening. More things moved within me – I thought of my partner and the unexpectedness he would have to walk with, with me dying. I thought I wasn't ready, or that I slightly resisted the reality of what was happening, that I was dying. I was disappointed that it happened this way, that is happened at that time , I wasn't ready to go, or at least I thought. But then I realized, or within me I knew, it was happening, that was the reality and there was nothing I could do to change it… so ...

Today everyone is revisiting Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr's speech, "I have a Dream." Addressed 50 years ago today, August 28th, 1963. This speech tends to rekindle some feeling reaction of hope and change in the minds of men, yet the words still exist without life. Because it's still a dream, the equality of All men. 50 years later and we are still asleep, dreaming instead of living these words. Just shy of two years later Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr gave another speech, although this speech was a sermon; presented on July 4th, 1965. I read, "The American Dream" by Dr. King, Jr for an American Studies class today and considered his words carefully as so many are looking at the "I have a Dream" speech. So here I will share with you his words from "The American Dream." (Encyclopedia of Race and Racism) "I stood with many of you who stood there in person and all of you who were there in spirit before the Lincoln Monument in Washin...

So I have completed this journey in which I placed for myself - walking in bringing myself back to breath for the past 21 days. As I've mentioned and as some who read this know - breath is key in birthing self as life, as letting go of ego, of remaining here as the real reality, standing here as the constant expression without self interest or expectations. So this is a process in which I push myself to walk every moment, yet I took myself on this journey specifically to create a new habit and let go of an old one.. where I trusted my mind more then my body to give me/sustain me as Life. What I can see is that I experience the last 21 days like a lifetime. So much happened - I faced so much of myself. Points opened in my world and points closed, I had to face fears and anxiety and desire and within it all - Me. Myself - and that is why I breathe. The process of facing self , as who and what self has accepted and allowed within the limited expression of thoughts , feelings ...

In the moments before coming here to write, I had a resistance to it. The resistance was in the form of a judgment of myself, for how I saw myself today not breathing effectively, as bringing myself back to my breath. Yet this is a real negative perspective on my part, as only looking as certain moments where I 'fell' and gave into certain thoughts , back chats and reactions. Yet there were other moments, where I did stop and breathe and not allow myself to follow the mind movement I was experiencing. So why do I focus on the self judgment and not how I did support myself? More specifically in relation to this judgment as a resistance to writing, it was within the context of holding myself accountable, as I felt I wasn't today and so did not want to share that in my blog, because I was ashamed. This was not a strong emotion of shame, yet it was there and enough to produce thoughts as ways to justify why I shouldn't write and contemplating how I could excuse mys...

So in yesterday's blog I was faced with the polarity-relationship I have created within breathing. What I saw is how I am defining 'breathing' as a good thing or with a positive charge, and 'not breathing' as a bad thing or with a negative charge. And so living out this acceptance, when I am 'not breathing', I go into this negative experience for/as myself where I judge myself as bad, and not doing something right and so in essence I am in judgment of myself according to how I defined/ accepted /allowed the action of not breathing to be a negative thing. And the same for the positive definition - where I define breathing as a good thing, something I 'should' be doing and so I accept a positive experience for myself when I see that I am breathing. What it comes down to though is that breathing is simply a physical action, it is a physical statement of who I am - and thus does not require or need the polarity definition I have giving it to be ...