631: Sounding Self-Forgiveness

Art By: Paulo Zerbato

One point that came up as I was coming to an end of the 30-day of self-forgiveness was to continue the journey with a 30-days of sounding self-forgiveness. This would be to speak the self-forgiveness out loud, sounding myself as the words, as the forgiveness, with my voice. I thought that would be a very cool point to walk as I also have hardly given myself the opportunity to really establish myself within my voice, and my sound.

What is interesting is one of the very first experiences I had with speaking self-forgiveness was quite radical in that I saw physically what I was moving within myself... how I was actually physically releasing these threads of information from myself, as giving up ideas, beliefs, self-definition, and limitations I've held onto for so long, and at the same time, experiencing this centering within myself, within the very core of myself. It was a remarkable experience because there was movement and substantiation with every line of forgiveness I spoke. Since then, however, I have resisted sounding my self-forgiveness... I have always reverted to writing out the forgiveness as I justified it with telling myself "it flows better".

In self-honesty however, I see it is just one big massive resistance. And although I've done it here and there throughout the years, the resistance has always remained. And so rather than expanding my self-forgiveness journey from writing it for 30-days to sounding/speaking it for 30-days, I hesitated and stopped myself. I hit that wall of resistance.

But the point hasn't changed, and it is still here as a journey to walk. And I've decided I am going to go for it. Yesterday and today I did some while driving in the car and again there was this physical experience the self-forgiveness seemed to have... like the cells around my mouth and in my fingers were coming alive...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sounding self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exists as resistance toward sounding self-forgiveness for years now instead of making a decision to sound myself within self-forgiveness as making a physically sound, and direct statement of who I am and what I will accept and allow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question or investigate or attempt to dismantle this resistance to sounding self-forgiveness and instead accept it as is and perhaps miss out on moving through points much quicker than I have thus far

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize my resistance to sounding self-forgiveness is me as my mind attempting to stay alive and to avoid the one thing I know will extinguish the constructs of me that are of energy

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take and make the living stand of who I am as within sounding myself as self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to quantify my process of change through sounding self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honor the realizations and opportunities that open up within me such as continuing my self-forgiveness journey from writing to sounding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse whenever I've considered sounding my self-forgiveness that there is never ever something urgent within me that requires sounding self-forgiveness instead of realising that there is A LOT of things about this physical reality and our physical systems that I do not understand and until I do, there is LOTS of forgiveness to be done so I commit myself to remove that justification and excuse from myself because I know it is absolutely not valid

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to get to know myself as my SOUND

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create a sound mind, being, and body through sounding self-forgiveness

When and as I see myself resisting self-forgiveness, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this resistance is an attempt to hold on to parts of me I fear to let go of and not realizing that the very things I fear to let go of I will have to lose anyway to realize and see for myself they do not define who I am - because that which I define of myself, once lost, is also lost and so could not have been real in the first place and so I commit myself to face my fear of losing myself through sounding myself as self-forgiveness and to realize only once all self-definitions are removed I am actually found

I commit myself to establish myself as my SOUND here

I commit myself to the daily sounding of self-forgiveness for the next 30 days

I commit myself to honor these opportunities that open up within me as they emerge and no longer allow myself to wait/hesitate or 2nd guess myself but rather trust me as what is opening up within me, in a moment

I commit myself to resonate myself as my sound through/as existence to say I am HERE and I STAND for Life and I will not Give up on Life

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