642: Family Conflicts - Blame vs. Understanding

More on the family points - diving in deep to source out the conflict and find some understanding...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in relation to who I am and what I've experienced throughout my life in relation to my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself into a point of needing to cope, deal with, and escape from experiences I've had within my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I cannot deal with the experiences I've had in relation to my family as I think and believe there's too much, it goes too deep, and I've in a way given up on them and me in relation to them anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on my family as thinking and believe we are too far gone, the dysfunctions run too deep that there is no way to make it right instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that is exactly what bothered me the most about my family in the first place - the fact that we let too much conflict accumulate within the relationships that we couldn't seem to get to the source of the real problems and every interaction became problematic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate years and years of suppressed reactions, anger, hurt feelings, blame and judgments towards my family for their behavior and interactions with each other instead of realizing I am now living out the exact same pattern that bothered me the most about my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my family as so different from other families as a judgment towards the relationships within the family as seeing them as dysfunctional and problematic - it never made sense to me as to why my family continued to carry on relationships with each other when it seemed every relationship was tainted with resentments and blame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my family not taking responsibility for themselves in relation to each other where I see years of suppressed blame and resentments towards each other instead of realizing my exact reaction is the same nature of what I'm reacting to in them where I am now living out the pattern of blaming them and holding onto resentments for years that I could have dealt with, addressed, communicated about, forgiven and let go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it's not worth it to sort out who I am in relation to my family as thinking and believing there is no change within the family - they will never change instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only person that require to change is ME and if I cannot do that for myself in relation to my family, how the hell am I supposed to expect them to change in relation to the family?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my family to change when I'm not willing to change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if my family diminished me throughout my life and did not uplift me and to thus blame them for my expreiences of diminishment and lack of self-esteem instead of realizing that parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins - family - is a product of the generation before, and the generation before, and the generation before and no one knows any better and everyone is dealing with themselves and their life to the best of their ability, in the only way they know how and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allwoed myself to have more understanding, compassion and forgiveness in relation to my family as I see I am able to empower myself to stand within myself and stop my own diminshment and inferiority and to be able to support them how to empower themselves as I'm learning to support myself to empower myself - where we a, in fact, can change the way we deal with things, and we don't have to victimize ourselves or blame each other and we can, in fact, support and love each other for real wherein the family then becomes a unit the nutures the whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disempowered by the family I was born into thinking and believing I never had a chance to be better instead of realizing within this, I am victimizing myself to circumstances beyond me and many with much less and worse conditions have taken action to rise above and within the adversity of their lives and so I have no excuse to blame or victimize myself and have had every opportunity to stand within my own power to create my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for the circumstances and events of my life in thinking because of them, I have had to face hardships within myself instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that such blame keeps me trapped in a cycle of inaction to move and empower myself and that I am conveniently not having to take responsibility for my own life and who I am and how who I am influences the decisions I make and thrust the outcome of my life and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for how my life played out, the events I've had to walk through, and the difficulties I've faced internally as the only place from which I can actually stand up from and change me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for who I had become in my life so that I didn't have to take responsibility for myself/my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into the belief that my family circumstances were a weakness instead of seeing the gifts I've gathered throughout my life, with them, through interactions with them, in observing their interactions with each other as getting to know and understand the extent to the problems of this world and that those problems contain in fact the solutions to living life in peace and harmony with each other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the gift of the family I was brought into as being quite specific to who I am and what I had to face in my life to be who I am today as I realize this person I am today is someone I am grateful for and that I fought to create and that fight did not come from myself alone as I was surrounded by individuals forced to stand alone in a system that does not care about life at all and they fought to the best of their ability and the only way they knew how they fought to survive and to create a sense of family and stability we all could depend on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my family to be perfect in an imperfect world where the very systems that influence everyone's lives is designed to induce stress and conflict and division and so how can I hold them to a standard that even our world system is not held to and for not seeing the sacrifices that were made in order to simply survive and to do the best they could for those they were responsible for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on my family as I've been hard on myself and to not offer them forgiveness as I have offered it to myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to want to sort out my relationships with my family as I see them as too messy and too much and not worth it instead of realizing what I'm actually saying within this is that I am too messy, I am too much, and I am not worth it and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as too much, too messy and not worth it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this world as too much and too messy and not worth fighting for, not worth forgiving or for giving a second chance

When and as I see myself suppressing myself in relation to what I experience in relation to my family, as not writing it out, or forgiving it, or communicating about it, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that very behavior is what causes the most conflict within me in relation to my family in the first place and so I commit myself to stop the pattern and cycle within me to no longer suppress that which I experience but to rather embrace it and speak about it and address it and understand it and forgive it and allow myself to let it go as the only way to ensure I am not holding onto the past as what's been done and allow myself to move freely within my present and the future

When and as I see myself blaming my family for what's been done, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my family is not perfect, but neither am I and until I change I cannot expect them to change and so I commit myself to make myself the priority as the focus of my attention as what needs to be changed and stop looking towards my family to change first

When and as I see myself victimizing myself in relation to my family as thinking I had a hard life growing up, and too much conflict that created consequences within my own life, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such blame and victimization to such a circumstance is an easy way out to not have to take responsibility for my own life and is unacceptable as I had an opportunity a lot of people don't have as I had a stable home, and food on the table and my family had the money needed to survive and so I commit myself to stop victimizing myself and rather take responsibility for myself and the position I was placed within this world as the very specific position I needed to be able to become who I am and who I will be

I commit myself to stop blaming my family for the conflicts they created and start forgiving the conflicts within me I have towards my family

I commit myself to realize the family is the micro version of the world as a whole and if I can start to forgive who I am within/as the family, I can begin to forgive myself for who I am within/as this world as a whole

I commit myself to forgive my family as realizing they did the best they could with what they had and what they understood

I commit myself to realize I can stop the cycles lived out in the family without blaming them for it

I commit myself to discover what it means to live unconditional forgiveness in relation to my family

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