628: Who Are You When the Internet Drops?

A point here of the internet dropping for the day and not having access to what I perceive to be something of most value... and how in that internet dropping, I became stuck, not able to move into anything else because the dependency on the internet kept me checking if it was back on, and waiting for it to come back on - not at all embracing the day without the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency on the internet where if it goes out for a bit, feel lost and unsure of what to do with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively towards the internet going out as a point of dependency so much of it it’s like someone taking away my life where I become annoyed because someone took away be ability to do things instead of realizing there is MUCH to do offline

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internet to become a distraction where I want to spend more time online than offline

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe not having the internet is like not having my right arm where somehow I am debilitated and going without something so functional to me instead of realizing it is a moment to reflect on who I am in relation to the internet and see clearly the dependency towards it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a routine around being online that when the internet drops feeling lost as not knowing what to do with myself because so much of my time was invested online

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like doing anything offline because so much of my time and self is put online and so when I lose the internet feel so much out of my routine that for a moment I feel lost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create a balance with being online or offline where it doesn’t matter what I’m doing I am the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being offline or without internet,
 as my whole life stopping

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see not having internet as an opportunity to spend more time offline and getting to things I put off because I place being online as more valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is nothing to do without the internet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist not having internet as a choice being made without my input

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about when the internet will be back instead of grounding myself in the physical, offline reality where there is a vast reality for me to explore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am limited without the internet

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the internet is like my mind where it is a practical tool and can be constructive in my self-development and connection yet it should not define who I am or what I do… it is a TOOL that I use not something that enslaves me and so if I don’t have it for a moment, I am the same… or like the mind, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, with or without something I remain the same

When and as I see myself reacting negatively to not having the internet I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this reveals a dependency towards the internet wherein I think and believe I cannot function properly without it and feel lost not having access to it and so I commit myself to practice spending more time offline as getting comfortable with that so that there is a balance and a stability within me where when on or offline, I remain the same

When and as I see myself thinking about when I’m able to be online again, I stop and I Breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have used the internet as a way to distract myself from my actual reality wherein I resist doing things that are not online and so I commit myself to push myself to spend more time doing things that are not online to remove this need to be online and to remove this belief that is where I am most engaged and within this I commit myself to create a routine that value equally being on and offline realizing that being on or offline I am still here, I am still in my body, I am still breathing and so nothing has actually changed within me only what’s outside of me and if I am moved by something outside of me then I still got work to do

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