619: Running from Work (24 of 30)

A point here of when it's time to get off work this rush-ness kicks in where I start physically moving faster to get home as quickly as possible. It's the only logical speed to get away from something you are not comfortable in... and to get back to your comfort zone as fast as possible. Though, the more logical thing would be to ask myself why? Why am I uncomfortable at work? What is really going on within me, and my relationship to co-workers, my actual position and the overall time spent there each day? THAT is where discomfort becomes a gift in seeing WHAT I am uncomfortable with and why because THEN I can change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush out of work the moment I am able to leave - rushing to the car, rushing on the drive home... rushing to get 'back' to my comfort zone as quickly as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to, as soon as the clock turns 5, to pack up and head out of work as quickly as possible as not wanting to spend any more time there than I 'must'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically walk faster when getting out of work as a point of getting home as quickly as I can because at home I am 'free' and my time is my time and I can do with what I want and I want to be home rather than at work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity within myself in relation to home and work where home is where I want to be, where I'm free, and work is where I'm forced to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet change the relationship within myself towards work and home as both currently exist as a problem - the preference/want/desire to be home fuels the not wanting to be at work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot enjoy myself at work, or that I am not 'free' at work wherein self-honesty I see that the idea that it's not my time or how I would want to spend my time is an excuse to exist within limitation because within work - I am still with me and who I am in relation to those I work with, the work that I do, who I am in every single moment and thus is another opportunity, perhaps even more so, to self-investigate myself, get to know myself in relation to these things, in relation to these people whereas when I'm at home, I am where I am most comfortable with my partner and our little family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be uncomfortable and when I have the opportunity, rush quickly away from where I am uncomfortable as resisting getting to know myself and understanding who I am in relation to different people, different information, and different situations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within a comfortability at home where yes, it's fine to be comfortable at home, but why can I not be equally comfortable at work?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist challenging myself within spaces I am not as comfortable and when I am able to leave, quickly do so, instead of slowing myself down to really see who I am in the moment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the want to leave as standing within that, staying a little longer, slowing myself down, not rushing to get out of there as pushing myself beyond a limitation and seeing, as I already know, I can change me within this experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe my work environment is where I don't want to be instead of realizing it's me within the work environment I don't want to be... so why? What am I not liking about me/my experience in the work environment?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow down in moments to really question and investigate what's going on within me as my thoughts, feelings, and emotions while at work, and as what is driving this rushed experience to get out of work when I'm able to

When and as I see myself rushing to get out of work, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this rush-ness to leave work is indicating a point within me I am resisting and trying to get away from without realizing it's only me... whether home, at work, or anywhere else, it's always only me... so who am I within my work environment? I commit myself to thus slow myself while at work, to take extra time to look at my thoughts, feelings, and emotions while at work to get to know who I am within/as work so that I may correct and change what it is that I'm resisting and not wanting to participate within at work

When and as I see myself physically walking fast to get to my car, or physically driving faster to get home, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this is fueling the experience of not wanting to be at work and the experiencing of rather being at home and so I commit myself to physically slow myself down as to no longer participate/support this point within me and to actually embracing that which I'm trying to get away from

I commit myself to investigate who I am at work more

I commit myself to stop thinking if I rush home, my experience will be better

I commit myself to stop needing to get too comfortable and to instead realizing and practice being comfortable wherever I am and so I commit myself to place myself more in the discomfort of being out of my comfort zone

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