Kristina's Journey to Life

Hi all, Today I had an interesting experience specifically because I seemed to face this resistance to my day. And I say that is interesting because yesterday the question was posed in a discussion about what is our purpose and reason for waking up in the morning. So I found it just fascinating that I would experience a day where I could have easily stayed in bed, stuck in an energy , feeling lethargic and apathetic, not really feeling like doing anything. Quite low and slow. without any reason for waking up. So when I noticed this was my experience, despite having things I could do and sort of wanted to do, I resisted the heck out of it, so I asked myself, "what is my purpose today?" "Why did I get out of bed today?" And the question would go for every day... why do I get up in the mornings? What is my motivation? What is my reason for living? Sounds like a silly question to ask ourselves, but for me in my life, I see it as an absolute necessary question ...

And so continuing with walking through this resistance to redefining words with the support of self-forgiveness which allows me to gift of self-empowerment, to change my perspective, and understanding of myself and who I am in relation to resistances, and redefining words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist redefining words I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that I just resist redefine words and make this a part of my story as a self-definition I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a resistance to redefining words for quite some time instead of moving through the resistance as I see I am able and ultimately what must be done I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when facing a resistance to redefining words and not move that extra bit to walk through the resistance as I realize it's possible and can be done, I must only make the decision to ...

At the moment I've been noticing a particular pattern/ behavior of mine flare up in a way - where I'm participating in it more and more. In the past it would then trigger judgments, and frustration because what the heck - I'm allowing this behavior when I'm in fact supposed to be changing it. Though I've seen this before.. where you are in a way working with a particular point to change, then it all of a sudden seems like you no longer have control over it, and the behavior/pattern has a mind of it's own... this has happened when I've been actually directly working on such a point with the use of Mind Constructs in the Desteni I Proccess . Mind Constructs are a specific tool which allows one to dig deep into the roots of certain behaviors... sourcing the memories of our life where we have through time created and substantiate the behaviors/patterns that are now playing out in our life. I have been working on this particular behavior that I've not...

Following up from yesterday's blog , I was talking about this point of walking, and how I've come to walk quite fast in my life . I can see this has been developed through the type of work I do, yet it had spilled over into my every day life , when I'm simply out and about walking around - I am speeding. So I can see that walking fast has a purpose in a specific context, but I am interested in seeing who I am as slowing down within my walking. As I mentioned, I will share my findings and experiences as I apply it, for now though, self-forgiveness on the lack of questioning and self-direction when walking: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a fast walk without awareness - without ever questioning it but simply allowing a habit to take over apparently without my directive decision I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down when walking when there is no purpose to walk fast, except to automatically live out habits fr...

So it's been awhile since I've been consistent within blogging. There are many reasons for this lack or absence of blogs, some have been practical, though most are not. Most reasons are due to ego . Either judging what I write, fear of others judging what I write, excuses of nothing to write about, resistance to writing as putting in the effort, not wanting to share myself... the list can go on. I was at one point within this process consistent with my blogging - I would just write, every night at the end of the day, whatever points came up that I could see I could 'deal with' with self-reflection and self-forgiveness. And I enjoyed it - it supported in stability, letting go of judgement, letting go of fear of what others think, developing self expression within writing... it was a valuable practice that I just let go of. So I'm here to pick it back up. It's always here, it always comes up within me. Time to take it off the back shelf, and bring it back int...

A point here I experienced/faced today - Fear of Being Alone I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone as loneliness within myself in the wake of  another's death I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and my beingness according to another being alive in a physical body I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the realization and standing that I am alone I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be alone with myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fill a void of alone-ness I now experience since the death of another I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself being alone I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be alone because in this I fear I am not able to b...