Kristina's Journey to Life

Majority of our conversations consists of what? Can you guess? I’ve observed recently just how much our interactions with each other is solely about OTHER people. Granted those people are around us, living among us, part of our family, or friends network, and people we work with but take a look and take notice, become aware of the fact that majority of what we talk about with one another is about other people. We have opinions, and ideas, and beliefs, mostly interpretations, about what other people say and do; how they behave and conduct themselves within their lives. Our focus is so much projected outward, it’s no wonder we have no clue who we are, or what's going on in this world as the outer reflection of each individual. We spend so much time judging, and analyzing why others do what they do, or say what they say, and often we cast our judgments in a way that makes us feel smarter, or better, or superior, or somehow more right based on how we see other’s living and makin...

Karma. First thing I saw when looking at this word was ‘a mark’. So when you move the letters around, there exists ‘a mark’. And that is also essentially how one can look at the word and it’s definition. Karma is the mark you leave within this world – it’s the wake you leave behind wherever you go. It is how you influence the world around you, it is the mark you leave. Now growing up, I always saw or defined the word karma as something you get back to you – whether you are good or bad, whatever happens to you, is your karma. It’s like the mark you leave in this world comes right back at you. Another way I’ve heard it said is, ‘what comes around, goes around’. And now what's interesting about this is how, growing up, this word was always placed in the context of spite. Like ‘they will get what’s coming to them” or “karma’s a bitch”. Lol – always based within a reaction towards someone. Like if you disliked how a person behaved, or you felt personally attacked by someone, o...

Cat Punching. I had not actually heard about such a thing. That this was actually a page on Facebook, promoting or showcasing such a thing as punching cats. What I saw when researching a bit about it was that it was something that happened back in February and was a Facebook page created called “Valentines Day Event – Cat Punching”. There was an uproar about it and people demanded it be removed, which it was. What I find most interesting about this is, yes, of course, animal abuse is absolutely atrocious, and yes of course, it should in no way be glorified or accepted for that matter, and so such a page should be removed. But to me what is most interesting is that 20,000 people can rally together, and act as a group, using the collect will and force to inflict awareness and demand a change in relation toward a particular point, yet when it comes to things that happen daily, which includes animal abuse, in the Real World, our group efforts cease to exist. It’s like b...

Talking more about the death penalty, I did a bit of research as I was intrigued by the topic and it’s history and origins within humanity. The death penalty, I’m sure like all punishments for breaking the law, stands as a deterrent – something put into place to be carried out as punishment if one were to do or participate in certain acts and behaviors. Though… throughout the history of mankind, crimes are still committed and these deterrents do not show any relief in the amount of crimes existing. So then one must consider… if the threat of death or being put in jail for the rest of one’s life does not stop one from acting out certain behavior, is it really doing it’s job effectively? Or is there something else we are missing ? I mean to have the death penalty or life in prison be the reason that keeps one from committing a crime yet people commit crimes still… there must be something else we are not considering in terms of WHY certain behaviors exist. Though, from my perspe...

The other day I was sitting around with a few people and one person was reading/mentioning an article about a state that was considering bringing back the firing squad for an option in acting out the death penalty. This spurred an interesting discussion. One person mentioned that in such a situation of a firing squad, one person was always handed a gun that was a blank, yet out of all the shooters, no one knew which was had the blank and which one had the loaded gun. In this, it was so that the shooters did not feel guilty or have to face that they may have been the one to in fact shot the bullet that killed another human being. I thought this was absolutely fascinating – that it’s the concern for the shooters and their potential guilt and regret for participating in a firing squad, that one of the guns would be shooting a blank. Does this not in fact reveal how the very act of the death penalty, and the firing squad specifically, is not an act that is in any way righteous or ju...

Competition and Comparison. The earliest experience or memory that I have to comparison is to a girl in my first grade class. Her name was Tiffany. She was pretty, and skinny and always had nice clothes. I would compare myself to her and saw myself as inferior. Everyone seemed to like her, and I always felt like I was on the outside and in the shadow. I felt inferior to her. I felt like because everyone liked her, they didn't have ‘room’ for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to Tiffany, and to within this, see myself as inferior I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Tiffany as superior to me based on what she wore and to within that, think my clothes were not as nice I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Tiffany as more popular than me, and to within this, define myself as less than her I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Tiffany...

Continuing from the previous blog, I am here to firstly address the point of using back chats as a way to distract myself from seeing the real issue I was facing within myself in relation to a new job, and to for even a moment, entertain the perception I was coming up with within my own mind in relation to a new job. For context, I suggest reading the previous blog . And for support, I suggest reading the following self forgiveness out loud. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as back chats within my mind as statements I make to myself about my new job causing me to have a busy schedule and to within this, consider whether this is something that I really want to do and so in a way, participate within a fear aspect of contemplating 'what I should do' or 'if I should do this', instead of bringing it through into physical reality writing, as I see, realize, and understand that to consider things within my mind only has, at this stage...

I recently was interviewed for a new job, and got the position. I was slightly hesitant about it at first because it would be a change and essentially me stepping out of my comfort zone, yet after the interview I saw it was the potential necessary to get me moving in terms of my financial position. There was some fear in relation to speaking about this new position to my current manager, at where I currently work, as having to limit my availability and basically changing my schedule around. I thought she would take it personally and I am putting her 'out', like in a bad position/situation. Although, I did not consider, until now, that there are so many people at my current job that are wanting to work more and the shifts are simply not available. So it can actually help her with accommodating more people and take off some pressure she might have in terms of people looking to her for more shifts and wanting to work more. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ...

Recently I saw a shift in myself in relation to another - my total experience changed from what I had previously experienced in relation to this being and within it - it was quite a shock. What happened was there was a point of stability within me in relation to a specific point in my relationship with another, where I was not reacting - I was clear from the perspective that every time this point would emerge within the relationship, I had no reactions; no thoughts about it, no back chats about it, no energy even about it. I was 'clear' in that I saw it for what it was and nothing more or less. Within this, I could give a clear perspective and support in relation to this specific point, because I was not being influenced or directed by any of my own mental objections or instructions. I could assess within myself my point of self honesty, where I was in relation to it, see I was 'clear', realizing it wasn't about 'me' and thus could offer support in ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider ideas for things I can do in certain moments as being self supportive or challenging myself to move past what I have accepted as my limitations yet not follow through as instead following the idea with back chats of "I can't do this" and "this will take too long" or "this will be to hard for me" and just accept these statements as reason enough to not follow through in moments where I see I can do something that actually supports me, challenges me and moves me beyond what I have accepted as what I am capable of I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of following through with ideas I have as opportunities I can give to myself in moments where I will have an idea to do something, but instead just accept the thoughts I have about me, about what I am limited to and accept at face value the back chats that tell me "don't do it...