252: Doubting My Stability Created Instability
What happened was there was a point of stability within me in relation to a specific point in my relationship with another, where I was not reacting - I was clear from the perspective that every time this point would emerge within the relationship, I had no reactions; no thoughts about it, no back chats about it, no energy even about it. I was 'clear' in that I saw it for what it was and nothing more or less. Within this, I could give a clear perspective and support in relation to this specific point, because I was not being influenced or directed by any of my own mental objections or instructions. I could assess within myself my point of self honesty, where I was in relation to it, see I was 'clear', realizing it wasn't about 'me' and thus could offer support in specific areas of the point because my vision was not clouded by my own internal judgments or ideas about it, sort to speak.
Now what happened was a moment of self doubt - a moment of questioning myself. I asked myself questions as to 'why' I was not reacting - as if that is something I must expect or anticipate. Which is quite ridiculous because in this, it's like asking for a reaction.... lol, yes quite literally, I was asking for a reaction and a reaction was what I got - more on this in a moment.
So I was questioning and doubting myself for just a moment in relation to this stability and clarity I had in relation to a particular point within a relationship with another being. I asked myself, "why am I not reacting... aren't I suppose to take this personally... I should be having 'some' experience about it, shouldn't I?" And in this slight movement as opening a door - what did me as my mind do? Throw a fucking wave of energy as reaction back at me in the form of back chats. It's like seeing a weakness in the design of myself, a crack in the foundation as the acceptance of self doubt. I swayed from where I was standing and my mind took total advantage of it. The next day I was consumed with back chats and thoughts and ideas as the energetic reaction apparently 'confirming' and 'validating' to me that I was 'right' to question myself - I was 'right' to doubt myself in the stability I experienced, and the more the back chats came, the more confirmation I believed I had for the experience as reaction I was having. It's like a closed circle of looping within oneself, the doubt feeding the mind, the mind feeding the doubt and so on and so on, the emotional roller coaster continues.
After about 5 to 6 days of feeling quite uncomfortable in my own skin and unsettled in relation to what I was experiencing - I realized I created this whole point for myself. I created instability within myself in questioning my stability. Why would one do that to oneself?
We, as humans, have come to accept and define all types of relationships in this world to be that of conflict and friction. We have been programmed to believe we must act certain ways within these relationships, define others as wrong for doing something to 'us' - never once have we stopped and asked - Can't I be clear and stable and have NO reactions, blames or judgments about what another person does? Aren't I responsible for every single point that emerge within me in the form of thoughts, ideas, imaginations, energies, reactions? Is it possible for me to not be directed or influenced by something outside of myself? Can we live a life of stability and clarity in relation to each other?
We have come to simply accept a life of instability, conflict, war even. We believe that we will not like some people or what those some people do and within this, we allow ourselves to have ideas about others, judgments about others, blame even towards those others. Yet what are we missing here? The reflection that is us in each other. The moment we are looking outward towards another and reacting to what 'they' do or say or how they live - is the moment we have abdicated our own responsibility within the power and ability we have to stabilize ourselves here.
So the point here that must be seen/realized/understood is that we do not have to accept a life of instability. It is okay and would be considered common sense that one is stable internally within oneself - where there are NO judgments or blame or taking things personally from others, because one sees the responsibility within the internal reality as being our own creation, our own acceptance and allowances, our own participation. We are doing it all to ourselves.
So suggest here to embrace the stability within oneself. Do not question or doubt yourself if you find yourself not acting in ways that have been expected of you. Do not sustain the pre-programmed existence where we exist automatically in relation to each other - believing we must take things personally, we must feel bad, we must feel like another is doing us harm. Realize that each being you come into contact with is responsible for what goes on within their own mind, as you are responsible for what goes on in your mind. And the moment you act in ways that are 'expected' as being 'just the way it is' - is the moment you have stopped questioning this existence of ours and this nature we call being human. The time we have here is the time to investigate all things and keep that which is good. Reacting to each other, blaming each other, judging each other, victimizing ourselves in relation to each other is not the way to self honesty, that is the statues quo of self deception. We are here to learn to love each other as ourselves, to give to each other what we would like to receive - so we must first learn to stabilize ourselves before we can offer this anyone else.
So consider redefining who you are in relationships - who you are within this world. Who you are in your Mind. Take a look at your life and ask yourself - is this who I've wanted to be? Have I acted in ways that do not support myself and others? Are there parts of me that I cannot fathom as to how I have created myself to act and be and express in such ways? If you are willing to become self honest and to once and for all, create stability within your self and within your life, where you are no longer a victim to others or your own self-inflicted emotional-ride - investigate desteni and the DIP lite course - it's Free. Give yourself the gift of stabilizing yourself and your Life here, and never doubt yourself when you see you have.
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