Kristina's Journey to Life

I saw irritation directed towards a family member. We will call them A. There are two others referenced in this post so we will refer to them as B, and C. A and B were assisting me with my car – and while I’m not aware of the moment I was triggered as irritation toward A– I saw the back chat and the physical behavior as the reaction I had in that moment towards A. A came out while B was busy putting my battery back in the car. A was smoking and moved close to me where I was standing, next to B, and leaned in and started cleaning the leaves from my hood. This irritated me. I moved and was ‘annoyed’ that A went to clean my car - one of the reasons was because A has always done that throughout my life, implies I am ‘dirty’ and is telling me to clean up, so this act was like A saying those words to me, “this is dirty, you need to clean it” – another is because I judged A for ‘having to do something’ – like A couldn't just stand there, A had to move in and act upon something. Al...

At work I saw myself get very angry – and then embarrassed by this anger. It was gearing up to be the end of the shift at work – and after working a double shift, I was ready to be done. Then I was asked to take a 15 top (table of 15 guests – oh yeah, I work in a restaurant). I looked at the hostess as she approached me about the party and to ask me to take it, and gave her a dirty look – like I knew they were coming to ask me, and I did not want to take the table – because I had expected to be done earlier in the evening – I always have this expectation, and am always pissed off when it doesn't play out that way. I gave her a dirty look – and I saw how automatic it was, because in an instant I was like, “what the fuck is wrong with me? It’s not her fault the party is coming in – she is just doing her job, as I am expected to do my job.” Then my manager asked me to take the table – and so I agreed – in quite the opposite response that I had to the hostess. The exact polarity in f...