Kristina's Journey to Life

The last three days have been insightful. After the last blog I wrote about seeing a word necessary to redefine and live a certain, familiar wall came up. I have for quite some time faced a lot of resistance to the process of redefining words, and this time was no different. And while I'm aware it's something I must simply walk through, that awareness didn't make it any easier, and I basically stopped for a moment. Like gathering myself in preparation of what I must do, which is walk through this resistance. So while having this resistance and not moving through it directly, I also experienced a lot of 'fall backs' if you will in the past three days. The frustrations of not being a certain weight or having a certain look, and the judgments towards food and exercise, and the impatience to walk real change - basically everything I walked in my blogs last week - became a possession within me where most of my weekend my mind was consumed with losing weight, and ...

**Here I am opening up/discovering points within me in relation to 'speaking words without awareness'. So some self forgiveness/writing to freedom - understanding more of the point through self forgiveness. Something I have noticed the last few days is this point of speaking words and sentences that clearly are without awareness. It's like I will say something that has no reason or purpose or function or intention or direction - it's like words are just coming out of my mouth because they can, yet there is no real awareness within them at all. It's more like I am speaking to 'fill the gap' or to add noise or to become some kind of character or personality that is looking to be fulfilled with the words I speak - so depending on how I am defining myself in a particular moment, who I am around, the type of 'mood' I am in - I will say certain things, but it's like all ego talk. There is really no awareness or reason, as I've already writt...