Kristina's Journey to Life

  Today, I felt some embarrassment and shame around a projection I had on another. I read their words (online) in a way that made me feel they were "lashing out" and "snapping" at me—feeling a lot of hate from them and like they were "trying to diminish" me. I even thought there was jealousy, and essentially that they were reacting.  I mentioned this, not so specifically, but generally noticing a reaction from them. They said it wasn't that so apparently I was mistaken.  Okay, fine. I totally misread their words, and then I was like, "Wow—that is quite the misinterpretation."  Deeper within this I can see clearly times when I lashed out and snapped in reaction towards another and what I've come to understand is that "everything is my energy" so when I "feel hate" coming from someone, it's actually the hate I am experiencing. Likely I've given that type of energy out into the world and so it's now come back ...

There is a point here that is not a part of 'my plan'. Where I am moving into this point of taking responsibility for the blogs I have written and the memories and points identified that sustain my experiences created through/as the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions - yet tonight there is more I want to write about. Specifically - it's like I will plan out and map out something in my mind of how I would like and expect things to go. If I do not follow such a structure, then I go into reaction. Or if people in my environment do not move at the pace I expect or things in my world are not following the expectations I have imposed on it - then I go into reaction and it's like I cannot 'go with the flow' from the perspective of remaining constant and stable as who I am. This is done with/as the breath and I see I have not been breathing. When things are not moving or going in the direction I WANT them to go, as how I planned it - as really how I projected it wit...