Day 705 (8 of 30) - Reacting in Public (Online) Space

 

Today, I felt some embarrassment and shame around a projection I had on another. I read their words (online) in a way that made me feel they were "lashing out" and "snapping" at me—feeling a lot of hate from them and like they were "trying to diminish" me. I even thought there was jealousy, and essentially that they were reacting. 

I mentioned this, not so specifically, but generally noticing a reaction from them. They said it wasn't that so apparently I was mistaken. 

Okay, fine. I totally misread their words, and then I was like, "Wow—that is quite the misinterpretation." 

Deeper within this I can see clearly times when I lashed out and snapped in reaction towards another and what I've come to understand is that "everything is my energy" so when I "feel hate" coming from someone, it's actually the hate I am experiencing. Likely I've given that type of energy out into the world and so it's now come back to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself onto another's words as thinking and believing "they" were lashing out and snapping at me within their own reaction and within this, want to see why they were feeling this way instead of not assuming anything and rather open up the discussion to see if what I was seeing was for real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and embarrassment for being "exposed" for having a reaction/projection towards another and within this, want to run and hide in fear of others judging me or me being seen as incompetent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being incompetent instead of allowing myself to make mistakes and make changes to correct those mistakes

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I know where another is coming from, especially if there is any kind of conflict/defense within me towards this person and to instead consider there may be some idea I have formed about this other person that is influencing the way that I see them

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for all that is here as me as the words of others and the assumptions I have about them - if they are not in the consideration of what is best then likely they are of no use

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another's words and then lash out and snap at them and to within this, not take responsibility for myself but instead, when/as that person communicates with me again, assume they are lashing out and snapping at me as a projection of my own past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to take full and absolute responsibility for every/all reaction within/as me 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a constant state of conflict/defense and essentially think and believe everyone who communicates with me is blaming/judging or attacking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame, judge, and attack others

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to hate others and so receive hate back

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe others are ever doing something to me, instead of seeing realizing, and understanding they are doing something to themselves and I am always responsible for how I feel, what I think, and how I respond to another

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to always assume the best of another

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to swing back and forth from the polarities of being "really good at my process" and then being "no good" at my process and wanting to quit instead of stopping, breathing, and take every reaction as a gift to further empower myself

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that every reaction I have towards another is a gift in showing me where I can become further empowered

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a fool when I react in an online public space as thinking and believing people are seeing me and judging me and having ideas about who I am instead of simply taking responsibility for my reaction and moving on - there is nothing I can do about what others think about me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to assume the worst of others and how they think instead of considering what will happen if I consider only the best of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate conflict, blame and judgment from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe another can diminish me instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that can only happen if I invite it into my life to happen

When and as I see myself reacting to another's words, especially if it's in response to me, I stop and breathe. 

I see, realize, and understand it is clear when I am reacting to another's words and so when/as I see myself reacting to another's words, I commit myself to stop and breathe until I am clear and able to communicate to my utmost effectiveness

I commit myself to stopping all conflict, war, blame, judgment, and criticism within me in relation to others

I commit myself to seeing, realizing, understanding, and living the knowledge that everything I experience "from another" is actually my  own energy coming back to me as what I've "put out"

I commit myself to assuming the best of another

I commit myself to stop reading into what others say and instead take it at face value and work with it in a more direct way

I commit myself to taking responsibility for ALL movements within me in relation to others

I commit myself to seeing, realizing, understanding, and embodying/living the knowledge that what I focus on and the meaning I give it is what defines my reality

I commit myself to seeing/reading another as I would like to be seen/read

I commit myself to give up all value attachments in relation to what others might think of me

I commit myself to loving myself and loving myself to the degree where no conflict/war or fighting can ever exist again.