Kristina's Journey to Life

More on the family points - diving in deep to source out the conflict and find some understanding... I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in relation to who I am and what I've experienced throughout my life in relation to my family I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself into a point of needing to cope, deal with, and escape from experiences I've had within my family I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I cannot deal with the experiences I've had in relation to my family as I think and believe there's too much, it goes too deep, and I've in a way given up on them and me in relation to them anyway I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on my family as thinking and believe we are too far gone, the dysfunctions run too deep that there is no way to make it right instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that is exactly...

Something I am noticing within myself recently is this point of 'acting out' in reaction and then later coming back to whomever it was that I acted out towards or was around me when I was in a reaction and saying, "I'm sorry - I see I reacted, that was unnecessary, forgive me" as a way to take responsibility for how I acted/reacted. There is nothing wrong with this necessarily, I mean after a reaction, I face the fact that I was reacting and experience the guilt or shame that comes with not standing in a moment and it can be a point of support to learn/understand what happened in that moment and how I can thus correct it in future moments. Yet I'm seeing this is becoming frequent and suggest I am not actually getting to know the reactions/why I am reacting and walking the process necessary to correct it and create solutions for me to utilize in such moments and instead just allowing myself to go into them, to act out, and then later attempt to take res...

I noticed at work a lot of reactions within my mind in relation to specific beings in my reality. The reactions were in the form of blame and anger and the more these thoughts/reactions were coming up - the more outwardly I expressed this anger as an expression of myself as my words and physical movement/behavior and allowed it to exist as me in who I was at work. Meaning - a co-worker was being playful with me and joking around and I was 'stuck' in this mode of anger because I was giving attention to what was going on within my mind that was anger and blame and resentment towards another. The 'another' was not physically in my environment so obviously this is the Mind at work, and it's points that have been surfacing over the last few weeks that I have made a point to write out for myself but have not gotten to it yet. And so I became angry and expressed this friction I was having within myself towards this other being in my actual, physical environment. I m...

I am continuing here from the previous blogs -  271: Stuck in the Mind  and  272: Our Responsibility to Become Self-Aware . I am going to proceed with reviewing the initial blog in this series and open up some more points I wrote out about this particular moment I had in my car. The next point here would be where I write specifically, "While I was backing up, I realized I couldn't and didn't actually have the space, because someone was behind me. Then I looked to my left and saw a women who wanted to turn, but couldn't because I was in her way, motioning me to go ahead and make the turn. In this moment, I reacted and was like, "No - I can't do that - it's red" and I reacted to her not realizing the situation that I was 'stuck' where I was. But then I got frustrated because it was like I didn't want to sit there, in her way and waiting for the light - so I said 'fuck it' within myself and made the turn. In that I reacted thinkin...

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to take personally another's actions and to then want to make them feel bad as I feel bad as taking it personally I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate another in making them feel bad/ guilty for their actions instead of realizing the deception within this – making it about me, about my ego and it’s preciousness being hurt and then value that more than another as a human being I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove my ego in relation to others and their actions so that I can stand as a stability point for myself and them within seeing and realizing how unsupportive it is to allow my ego free reign to make another and their actions about me as taking things personally I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt as a consequential experience of what I have accepted and allowed of myself as taking it personally ...

Recently I saw a shift in myself in relation to another - my total experience changed from what I had previously experienced in relation to this being and within it - it was quite a shock. What happened was there was a point of stability within me in relation to a specific point in my relationship with another, where I was not reacting - I was clear from the perspective that every time this point would emerge within the relationship, I had no reactions; no thoughts about it, no back chats about it, no energy even about it. I was 'clear' in that I saw it for what it was and nothing more or less. Within this, I could give a clear perspective and support in relation to this specific point, because I was not being influenced or directed by any of my own mental objections or instructions. I could assess within myself my point of self honesty, where I was in relation to it, see I was 'clear', realizing it wasn't about 'me' and thus could offer support in ...

Here I am stopping and starting over and bringing myself back within the commitment and self agreement I once placed for myself yet gave up within the energies of hope and desire . The process of getting to know self, forgiving self and then actually, practically, physically changing self is not an easy process, yet it's one that I cannot deny nor ignore because I am always here with simply me. Everything that exists as me as thought , word and deed - is ME. There is nothing or no one outside of me to blame, to validate me, to confirm yay or nay to the ideas I hold about me, to give to me what I am looking for. I will never find an answer outside of the questions I ask myself. So I am starting over as the starting point from which I walk my Journey to life and my Process in general - getting back to the simple principles and tools that have brought me this far and I will trust within myself to apply and that will support me to continue walking this process of self honesty and...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility as self investigation and reflection through writing, self forgiveness and self honesty through projecting myself, my process and ‘my points’ unto others in making my attention and focus unto others and what ‘they’ are doing and what ‘they’ are facing and how 'they’ must change – instead of realizing it’s ALL ME that I see within and as 'them' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore myself as abdicating my self responsibility to sorting out myself and who I am as the conditioned nature of myself as self interest in attempting to not have to face myself or sort out what I accept and allow as myself in each moment through existing in thoughts and back chats about others and their process and what they are doing or not doing and to within this blame them for how they walk their process instead of realizing I am projecting all of myself ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dissatisfied in communication with another in defining our communication as nothing of substance because we were talking about things I was not interested in and to within this think and believe another was avoiding something or resisting communication with me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word communication and the physical action thereof to be within the limited definition of my mind as either being 'of substance or not' in defining it within certain topics or points where if they are not how i define them accordingly, then I will judge the communication and thus reveal I am not unconditionally here as myself as communication with another I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have rather communicated about specific topics that I have defined to be of 'more substance' as a limited judgment within my mind, instead of perhaps direct...