Kristina's Journey to Life

A point of doing things/tasks/responsibilities throughout my day for reasons of self interest as self definition I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure who I am according to the things I ‘complete’ and get done/through in a day I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do things in my day simply because it is necessary to be done and without energetic expectations as feedback that feed my self interest I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more I do in a day the better a being I am and within this think that if I am doing enough things then I am worthy of life and worthy of myself within my own process I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are specific things that I must do within a day and if I do not do these things then I am a failure and then become afraid of being this definition I have imposed on myself revealing that my starting point for be...

Continuing on with the Self Forgiveness process from the writing of Day 197: The Starting Point as Moment of Creation.  Here I am looking at a statement that, as(at) quick glance, seems 'innocent' - yet when I look further in my writing, I see this specific statement, "But as I was doing my work this evening, I saw that I was doing a lot of reading, and it was getting late and while considering the different points I could write about - ultimately I decided I would not write a blog." The reason this statement stands out is because later in the this blog, I go on to reveal my 'real' starting point - so this statement here above is the justifications and excuses I was giving myself in attempt to 'make okay' and validate the 'real' starting point. So this is cool to see because that is what the Mind tends to do - give us points to consider that seem practical, yet what is lying behind this justifications, that make it sound 'so right'...

An interesting point here opened up and I want to look more at it, within myself. As I was getting into the evenings 'blog share list', I noticed something peculiar move within me. I noticed one being's blog and then another's, connected these two blogs together and according to how I saw/defined them, from there decided I 'wanted' to write a blog. Now, let's take it back a couple hours ago, I had not decided yet if I was going to place/write a blog tonight. I had written and published one earlier in the day, and that one was actually my blog from yesterday - so technically today is a new day and thus a new blog. But as I was doing my work this evening, I saw that I was doing a lot of reading, and it was getting late and while considering the different points I could write about - ultimately I decided I would not write a blog. One of the points I was considering to write about is this experience I am seeing within me in my ethics class. I am only into ...