Kristina's Journey to Life

Art By:  Javier Ideami I experienced a surge of energy as the emotions of loneliness when ending the chat with another. In that moment I felt lonely – alone and there was slight fear. I watched the ' design of loneliness’ portal interview as a way to support myself in seeing what is actually going on. It is an idea within my mind that I have created and reacting to as being lonely The experience is that of not wanting to be alone. Not wanting to be alone with myself. Feeling lonely. I can say that I have always had this experience throughout my life – the experience of being alone /lonely. But I never really faced it, and can see how I created ways in which to always have people around me. And in the interview it also said that the Mind feeds off of relationships with others, a partnership to hide from this loneliness, or to sustain even this loneliness because in our not facing/standing as it – the loneliness that I in fact am, I am suppressing it – yet still allowin...

June 23rd, 2013 - Another night without power in the house Alone in the Dark I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to go home because there is no electricity and the darkness reminds me of loneliness I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone without electricity – because within this I feel alone, I feel lonely I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never realize the loneliness that exists within me and only now see it triggered through an outside/external force that reveals to me the loneliness I have within me – realizing that it’s not my environment that ‘causes’ the loneliness, but it is in fact existent within me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency on my routine, which is supported with electricity/power for when I come home – within this, defining the things that I do as a normal routine as my comfort and companion and to within th...

Aug 3rd, 2012 While sitting down to write here – I had this experience come up of ‘loneliness’ = where I thought about going online and checking my email and see what is going on within the group – and I can’t do that here, because there is no internet or even cell phone service, and within this – loneliness and missing it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am lonely here at the cabin because I cannot check my email and see what the group is doing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I miss the group because I cannot go online and see what is going on/participate in the daily activities – and within this I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a participant of desteni – wherein not participating, I believe I have lost something or missing something – when in fact I am here and thus I am whole – I am complete – I am here and so I forgive myself that I have accep...