Kristina's Journey to Life

Earlier Today: Today I am on the Dr. Oz show and since I’ve been home from the taping – as the date approaches closer and closer I was having resistance and fear of it. The resistance was not wanting to see myself – fear of presenting myself in a way that I did not specifically want – being a part of this discussion that has so many missing elements. While I was at the studio, in my dressing room, I was handed a ‘script’ from which to see how my segment would go. It was about two questions taken from a 30 min interview I had on the phone with the producer a few days before. So I knew what questions were going to be asked. I looked it over – there were words written in place as my response, but I was told I did not have to follow the words exactly – it was what I wanted to say/share and so it was more for the doc, as to have an idea of what to expect from my response. I looked it over, but did not really give myself the time to consider what would be best for me to say – I did n...

A point of doing things/tasks/responsibilities throughout my day for reasons of self interest as self definition I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure who I am according to the things I ‘complete’ and get done/through in a day I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do things in my day simply because it is necessary to be done and without energetic expectations as feedback that feed my self interest I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more I do in a day the better a being I am and within this think that if I am doing enough things then I am worthy of life and worthy of myself within my own process I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are specific things that I must do within a day and if I do not do these things then I am a failure and then become afraid of being this definition I have imposed on myself revealing that my starting point for be...

This morning (Sunday, August 11th, 2013) I had a chat with a Destonian living on the Desteni farm. Our conversation was coming to an end and she shared news with me I thought I would never hear. "Bernard has passed away... his heart stopped." That moment of timelessness carried on forever, as if I was stuck in that moment, anticipating a reaction that would never come. I couldn't believe it... it's couldn't be possible. What words could I possibly express with this expressionless experience I had? I had to go to work. I thanked her for chatting with me and continued on getting myself ready to leave for work. What else could I do? I am still here and my responsibilities remain. As I was gathering my things to leave my house... slowly but surely... the reality as the realization set it... Bernard was gone. I stopped and I cried. I let myself sob like a baby as I realized a Living Example unlike anything else in this world has left. This Man - t...

Today is my bearthday (well a few hours ago at least). Yes, my bEARTHday. The Day from which I was born into and on this Earth. It's interesting that we calculate ourselves and our life according to this day, as this was the day from which we took our first BREATH. Our First Breath Here on Earth. What is even more interesting, that from this moment of Bearth - we never again consider it. The first breath is what gives us life, yet the rest of our "life" we forget to breathe. We forget about Life. Because slowly but surely we amalgamate to what is here as our world and our reality within accepting it unconditionally and without question. Today is just another day for me. Like yesterday and like tomorrow. Because I have learned what it really means to Live. Because I have learned to bring myself back to Life - Back to Earth - Back to that which allows me to Live - Breath. Yet - this is not without struggle. I have spent 25 years of my life not breathing - not paying att...

So in yesterday's blog I was faced with the polarity-relationship I have created within breathing. What I saw is how I am defining 'breathing' as a good thing or with a positive charge, and 'not breathing' as a bad thing or with a negative charge. And so living out this acceptance, when I am 'not breathing', I go into this negative experience for/as myself where I judge myself as bad, and not doing something right and so in essence I am in judgment of myself according to how I defined/ accepted /allowed the action of not breathing to be a negative thing. And the same for the positive definition - where I define breathing as a good thing, something I 'should' be doing and so I accept a positive experience for myself when I see that I am breathing. What it comes down to though is that breathing is simply a physical action, it is a physical statement of who I am - and thus does not require or need the polarity definition I have giving it to be ...

Today I woke up with the breathing challenge on my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up first thing in the morning in/as thoughts instead of breathing as a point of establishing myself back into reality, fully awake, here and ready to direct myself within/as my day I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with thoughts of fear about what the day lay ahead for me, as the challenge that I am taking on and that I will not be able to do it and I will see just how much I am a failure and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure before I had even begun and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the thoughts that tell me I am a failure before I even begin instead of simply seeing, breathing in, stopping/clearing the thoughts and breath out, establishing and affirming to myself who I am and what I will and will not accept and al...

Ever heard this great and almighty statement of Philosophy, ">"I am able to think, therefore I exist." Or in the form I most heard it throughout my life, "I think, therefor I am." This is the easiest LIE we have told ourselves.. have a look, when you were born into this world, as a baby emerging from the darkness... within you existed NO THOUGHT. You were just here. Yes, we might claim to THINK that babies think, but that is just OUR projection of our enslavement to the Mind of Thoughts onto our children. Thoughts are taught. The world, as shown above, has accepted themselves as a thinking machine, where we exist in separation of who we are as Life in fact, as the body, as the breath... as we can see we do not even now how our body functions - it functions for us, so from this perspective we have made ourselves inferior to Life; Life that is Real/Here/Physical. And because of our acceptance of our EXISTENCE within the alternate reality of the Mind ...

"A man's goodness is truly measured by what he is, not what he does."- Deepak Chopra First off, Deepak Chopra - I would like to ask you... Does "who you are" define what you do? Let's play around a bit with this... A man rapes a child. Many say, "I'm surprised.. I would never think he would do that.. he seemed like a "good man" --Does this then justify the actions of rape? Is he then no longer held accountable for his actions - because some view him as a "good man"?? This statement by Deepak Chopra allows too much room for one to not take any self responsibility for their actions. It is saying, "Don't see how you live or what you do or do not do in this world - just look at "who you are" in this world as a way to define yourself. So the many ego maniacs that run this world are free to then justify hoarding all the wealth of the world from the majority, as actions they live everyday, and then claim, ...

Today I was working on a Lesson within the Agreement Course I am walking within the Desteni I Process - and within this lesson, I saw how much I have allowed myself to be 'moved by energy'. Obviously - this is the process we are walking.. to stop allowing energy to move us as we can clearly see this implies something is having to move us - live for us, decide for us, instead of taking self responsibility to move ourselves, direct ourselves, to Live! So this is a general point I am going to address within this blog of Journey to Life - allowing energy to move me instead of me moving myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by energy I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself 'as energy' and thus allow it to move me instead of me moving me I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to generate energy within myself through the act of thinking, wherein I generate emotions and feelings a...

"I LOVE Life" This is a what displayed on a shirt I use to wear, bright yellow, with the "love" being represented by a big red heart. That's how I wanted to exists, as "loving life", and everything was wonderful, and beautiful and 'all was well'. This is a delusion I wanted and chose to exist within and as - because the other shit of this world, I did not care to see, or acknowledge, and of course never take responsibility for. So it was easy to "Love Life" - as I had a job, and a home, and was secure in the fight for survival. But what did this "Loving Life" actually do - blind me from REALITY. I was too busy pretending this world was so grand and great, that I could not see the suffering... I could not see the pain, I could not see the millions asking for help. I could not see what was causing the problems.. I did not want to accept there was a problem, I accepted the mask that said, "I'm ok, Life is good...