Kristina's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suspend myself within my mind in a moment of time when/as I see myself hanging before the cliff as if I could easily fall into the addiction in which I am stopping I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself, within my mind, making the decision to fall into my addiction through justifying reasons and excuses as to ‘why’ it is ‘ok’ and that I can ‘start over’ and to within this actually for a moment or several believe this and actually think I do not have a choice within my decision – as if I do not have the ability to in that moment, despite what my mind is showing me or what I am accepting in that moment, I can always change, I can always change my mind, I can always change my nature and no longer allow that point to exist within me as taking back directive principle – even though I realize how easy it is to NOT – to just trust the habitual ways of my existence that validate to me the ease ...

Seeing what requires to be changed – yet not changing it I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living out patterns in my moment to moment, day to day living wherein I see what I do that does not support me, and I allow to cause friction and conflict within myself wherein I judge myself for how I am living… and yet change nothing I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the way that I live, wherein I will see myself in moments “give up” in not giving myself direction to complete a task or begin a project or take care of a responsibility, wherein I compound the experience further of ‘feeling like a failure’, instead of realizing I am creating this and thus am able to stop it in ONE breath… simply breathe myself back into awareness as self directive principle of myself and my life to MAKE THE DECISION to do what is necessary to be done in a moment, realizing it is what is best for all I forgive myself that...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe life is about competition I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in life I have to be more then another I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I feel as if I am not being ‘more’ then another or I am not wining within the competition I have created within myself to/towards another – attempt to diminish them through blame I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within this need for power and control over another through competition and if I experience myself as inferior to another being – believing I have to diminish them within myself or outwardly towards them in order to regain my perceived sense of power and control I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have no power and control within myself and thus desire to have this over another I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power and control away to me a...

"Every One change in their own time" In Time - we believe we heal. Through time we believe things will 'fall into place'. In time we believe we will see the truth and find peace. But what is time and how does time move? Per second? Per Minute? Per hour, day, week, year? How do we grasp time and why is time something that happens to us? Why are we not living as time - walking with time breath by breath - moment by moment here? The idea that 'every one change in their own time" implies everyone exists in their own reality. as if time is calculated and accumulated differently for each person. This implies separation as we say, "I am not there yet - I will get there in my own time" Don't we realize Time is here Equal and One with all - as we are all on One Earth, that moves the same and we have days and night and we are all walking through time together. No one has their own experience of time.... Unless you are in your Mind. In your Mind - you...

2012 is here and the minds of Men are going mental. Literally - everyone is trapped within the mental realities of thoughts and fantasy. What do you want to happen in 2012? What do you THINK will happen in 2012? Where are you going in 2012? What will come in 2012 ? Many people believe that the "great" Mayan Civilization that had such high tech advancements in the timing of the Universe has set that 2012 is the year when Humanity will enter into a "New Time" This has been taken in so many avenues and construed to mean so many things.... which one do you enslave yourself to? Some of these 2012 hopefuls believe that an ASScension will be taken place. That their is a "greater reality" that we will just magically float up to. That those "special" enough to be in awareness of this "higher consciousness" will leave this reality behind and conveniently find themselves in a reality so much better then this one. Some call this the ...

Here we go - writing myself out because even after a couple weeks of writing blogs every day - I am still having thoughts of resistances coming up. Especially here within my personal blog. Everyday I have thoughts of like dreading having to come and write here - and even thoughts of how I have trapped myself, lol. Because I made this commitment to myself to write a blog everyday for at least 21 days, and everyday when I am faced with this point - I resist it, and then think, fuck I have trapped myself because I have to do this - I know there is no valid excuse. When in reality - it's not trapping myself - it's facing myself and holding myself ACCOUNTABLE. Holding myself accountable for the things I say and taking responsibility for what I accept and allow. As I DO NOT accept and allow myself to validate ANY reason/excuse/justification to fall at my walking this writing process - so when they come up... well I should say, I have been accepting and allowing myself to entertain ...

"Be a leader, not a follower" This statement has existed in my life for a long time - and only now I see it for what is really is. TO be a 'follower' within this world - is to go with the flow - accept this world the way it is - to not question what is here as what we call life - to 'fit it' and present a personality that does not consider life or who we are in fact. It is to be blind to how this world operates and how each of us operates - but to keep accepting and allowing ourselves to exist in our own separate reality of the mind where we can do anything we want and be anything we want and not face ourselves within this physical reality. As I see this world reflects who each one is. So to be a follower implies you accept this Life the way it is - and do nothing to change yourself or this world. To be a leader - is to dare to question ourselves and this world. TO expose and reveal the actual nature of what is going on and to not stop until all abuse e...

Who here as heard the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason!"?? I know I have - and I have been the one preaching it. You didn't get the job... "everything happens for a reason" You're boyfriend left you... "everything happens for a reason" You couldn't buy that home... "everything happens for a reason" There are countless ways we have expressed this saying, "everything happens for a reason" From what I can see - in most cases it is used as a way to make people feel better about themselves - to not be hard on themselves - to not feel like they are 'left out of this cruel world' Behind it we can see it plays a part in keeping up in acceptance of a 'greater plan'. That no matter what happens in our lives - it was 'planned' to be and there is a reason it was. My boyfriend left me for my best friend... 'everything happens for a reason' The baby was born still born... 'everythi...

AHHHH - I don't know what to write. Which is crap. I was like - should I write a debunking blog? Should I write a self forgiveness blog? Should I write a 'poetry' blog. No - it's like, fuck I don't want to write. And so here I am - writing. Why? Because I told myself that I would - starting living the words I speak. Stop giving myself reasons to 'fall' and to face it another day. What I realize - is that if I tell myself something - say I make a commitment - and I am unwilling to walk through that commitment - what does that say about me? Who am I for real then? Someone who speaks empty words and gives false hope and ultimately is untrustworthy. Well I definitely do not accept this of myself. I create this idea that i believe I have to portray - 'live up to' - keep going as an image. Of how i 'see' myself and define myself - yet is always within separation of myself and hence.. the friction. Friction as resistance I create. And s...

LOL - so today I resisted a bit to write here. Instead I have been keeping myself busy doing other things - and actually forgot that a blog was still due for the day. Until now. Until now - the last thing I was doing was going over my lesson 4 within my Desteni I Process lesson. It specifically deals with/assists with writing, self forgiveness, words, definitions, pictures/memories, and self corrective statements/scripts. As I was looking over my assignment and what I have done to complete the lesson so far - I went to see about sending it in for review. I clicked on the link that was presented as our assignment we were turning it.. and bam - it was not what I had seen yet and not what I had been working with/on for my assignment. For context - this lesson I have been resisting for about, oh, 3 months now. Barely doing the reading and had only just recently touched the assignment. I have, however, gotten 'fed up' with the crap and have been pushing myself to complete it. Y...

2012 is Here dom.. dom... dom... There is A LOT of hype around this year - so many beLIEfs - so many thoughts - so many ideas - so many fears - so many opinions - so many Human Beings lost in distraction of fantasy and illusion. The POINT is - this is just another year. And all the beliefs swirling around it - is just another way we distract ourselves from taking responsibility for what is HERE - as the current state of this world. Whether we BeLIEve jesus is going to return and save us - or it's aliens coming to clean up our mess - see it for what is actually is - A Means to keep ourselves BLIND to how we can actually change this world . There are so many angles one can take and challenge with common sense in terms of how people are holding/placing value on this year, 2012 - which I will do in many blogs to come. This is just a starter - to open the conversation and to start removing the blinders. What will it take for us to WAKE UP and see this doomsday prophecy o...

So looking back at this last year - and 'who I am' within what I have done in relation to participating within sharing myself and common sense perspectives for this world - I see inconsistency. So from here - I want to address the point of deception as the act of not living the words we speak - not being the living word - but instead saying one thing and doing another. Which I have realized leads to the absence of self trust - as self will tell self one thing - but then does not live this or apply this. For instance - I have made a commitment to myself in the past to do 21 days of self writing - blogging. I have also made this commitment within vlogging and failed to push through the mental walls I was holding up in front of myself - and always ended up NOT doing what I said I would do. Obviously this would lead to conflict within oneself - as I cannot trust myself. Because I tell myself one thing and then don't do it. This is an act of self abuse and the unwillingness ...

"Don’t worry, just breathe – If it is meant to be, it will find its way" This statement is all to familiar with me. You might have heard it in various ways - like, "Just go with the flow", or "if it's meant to be, it will be". Such statements and beliefs exist within the implication of a force outside of ourselves - guiding and directing and 'taken care of' everything for us. This statement also implies preprogramming - a predetermined destination that has already been created, and that we are just in it for the ride, and to just sit back and go along with whatever will come. I use to tell this to myself a lot. Relax, if it is suppose to happen, it will happen. It's what I told myself to re assure myself that 'everything is ok' - a way I used to keep myself content with my world and my reality, trusting in some higher force at play that will in the end provide for me that which I need. Then I found Desteni - and the self realiz...

There is this saying I have heard my whole life. "Nobody is perfect" And this statement is usually spoken wherein someone makes a mistake. Or becomes emotional, or does something they regret or are reactive to/towards. It's like, shit, I fucked this up, but it's ok, nobody is perfect. It's this acceptance that, nope, we are not perfect. We are flawed. And we accept that of ourselves. We don't believe we can stop accepting such a self limitation. Because really, it is self defeat. It says, I am not perfect. I was made imperfect. Therefore I have this statement to blame or to 'give up' my self responsibility for my thoughts, words and deeds. Simply, because "Nobody is perfect" If no one is perfect, then I don't have to be perfect. I can exist like everyone else. I can accept imperfection within this World. The environment is being destroyed by humans for profit and power? Well, "Nobody is Perfect" The child got sold into ...