Kristina's Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this worry that I am being a caring person I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to exist within and as me as a negative energy experience I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to become an emotional experience within me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I worry about others I am actually somehow assisting and supporting them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on other peoples lives within the experience of worry in thinking and believing that somehow my worry will cause a reaction within another and will create some kind of solution for them - somehow justifying or validating the experience of worry within me as being something that will somehow, in someway benefit others I forgive myself that I have accepted an...

My summer school semester is coming to an end with one week left. The follow week I am going on holiday and the other night I kept waking up with the experience of fear and thoughts of the trip and fearing things were not settled and I would go on the trip not being prepared or missing something that I should have done before I left. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my upcoming trip/holiday in feeling like I am not prepared I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my upcoming trip/holiday because I fear I will not be prepared or have everything that I need – I think I will miss something or forget something I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of fear when considering my upcoming trip yet within this not have a valid reason as to why I should be experiencing fear I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to quickly get to the day I will be going on my trip y...

Ok, so going back to day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance , I basically opened up this point of self doubt that I was seeing within myself in moments of communication with another being. What is interesting about this point, is that I have been walking for majority if the last year or maybe 8 months, with this 'standing' of 'self confidence' in where I actually would surprise myself in how I saw a change within myself, like for instance being at school and communicating with other students. I was comfortable with myself, i was comfortable being with them, I was open and I was directive and I was willing to 'be with them' in the moment as just 'being here ', breathing, communication and actually enjoying myself. I saw this as well in my interactions with my family - where I was not so moved by reactions, but simply here, directing myself in each moment, sharing with them, interacting with them, communicating with them, opening up with them...

For real this time, THIS is the final blog in this series I have been walking: Day 132 - Fear put my in my place Day 133 - Humbled by seeing and shamed by my blame - bringing the fear back to myself. Day 134 - The Anger I fear in Another is the Anger within Myself Day 135 - Seeing the Reflection of Myself Day 136 - Deceptive Denial of the Change Required Day 137 - Learning How to Love My-Self before I can Love my Neighbor Day 138 - A Word with the Power to Change Me Day 139 - From the Fear & Blame(Problem), back to Self(Solution) and the Reward When this moment happened, the one that I have been working with for the last 9 days, I was experiencing a lot of energetic influence. Meaning - when I stepped outside my house to either go to class or go to work or take out the trash, my thoughts were running about my neighbor, and what if I saw him, and what would happened and how would he act and how would I act and what if he can see me and what is he thinking, how is he feel...

Yesterday I had reactions to a person writing to me. I reacted to his blame and took his words personally and within this 'negative' experience, I attempted to 'find the positive'. I was accepting his reactions and accepted them as my own through reacting myself... and it was so fast from this moment I went into thoughts on how I could make this experience 'something good' within myself. Yet - I had already accepted the 'negative' polarity within myself and from this attempted to move to the positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react 'negatively' to another's words to/towards me as defense and fear I forgive myself for accepting and alloiwng myself to participate in the reactions of another to/towards me through reacting myself and thus believe his words to be true and then accept the experience of myself as not being good enough I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the doubt in another...