Kristina's Journey to Life

Who am I here for?  I have had the tendency throughout my life to show up in places and ways for other people - for feedback, recognition, attention, and validation. The consideration of what others think takes precedence over my own happiness, joy, direction, purpose, and inevitably, well-being.  This is definitely a pattern I'd like to nip in the bud as it is not serving me.  From my perspective, the reason we accept and allow the patterns/nature of rape, starvation, homelessness, and abuse is because we accept and allow ourselves to inflict those same patterns on ourselves. They may not seem the same, but they are simply a lesser degree of the same point.  So, in accepting and allowing myself to neglect myself and live/express/do/ be present for others, I am accepting and allowing that in the greater reality.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to make what others think of me the greater value in my life I forgive myself th...

What I'm going to do here is support myself to write in the moment. A lot of times I come prepared with something to write about - with an idea or point specifically I want to write about, or more so a point I hold onto as to ensure I have 'something' to write about, as another way to get this over with, to make sure I have something so I'm not feeling like I have nothing to offer or.... it's like a long pause here and second guessing myself in this moment, wanting to stop and try something else. Always looking for the best way to place myself as these words, or how can I do something 'better' that will make me more comfortable within how I think I am presenting myself to others and how in turn others will respond/react to me and of course, always wanting the most desirable outcome I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prepare and present myself as these words in a way that makes me look the best and that will give me the...

Continuing here from the self worth points I have been walking. I started with this acceptance within myself where I stated “I am not good enough, not worthy” and saw how easily it is for anyone to come to such a conclusion in a world where money is valued as what is worthy of/in life and the more you have, apparently the more you are – so I saw how in general, how this world is set up in terms of the economic system – the value system being out of whack as it is – produce such ideas within people. However, I also see my responsibility within this – in accepting this point within myself and thus the self forgiveness and self correction application that must be walked. Okay – so I will continue with the next point I placed for myself in that first blog of this series , where I said, “I accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth and being good enough outside and separate from me here - in a relationship with another” Alright – well this is a big point for me...

A point I see within me recently is this point of self definition. How I define myself according to my physical body - it's shape, size and structure. No - not the practical, physical, functionality of it - the things that matter - but more the 'look' of it. While I have been busy 'perfecting' my body as an image I present to others, I have began to question myself - what the hell am I doing. While I spend so much time 'developing' my body to be in accordance with the look I desire - the shape that I have accepted and defined as 'attractive' and 'beautiful' - I have failed to give any attention or focus onto the being that actually matters - the who I am within every single moment of every single breath I breathe . Is there integrity in such a being that values more the 'look' of the body rather than the physical support of it. I mean who I am within my desire to perfect my body - what are the reasons I am doing this? Wher...

So while in communication with another recently, I saw an 'easiness' to it where it just flowed, and I was here and could be open and expressive and in that enjoyed myself with/as another. Then we communicated again, and I saw something shift, something change. I know it wasn't the 'other' - it was me - it's always me I see. Because according to how I placed/defined the first communication - placing it on a pedestal within a positive polarity charge - when the communication happened again, I had something to compare it to - created then an expectation and thus did not 'live up' to the initial judgment of it. I went into a negative experience within/as myself and I saw what was creating. Me - me within thoughts and fears and uncertainty and assumptions ; interpreting another's words according to my own mental filters and so within this stops me from being here, in/as my communication, unconditional, and instead go into my thinking and wondering...

This blog is about seeing in self honesty my starting point for ‘going out’ with others – there was a motive, to get something that I ‘wanted’, of course within self interest, and not based on equality as equal consideration of others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within ulterior motives when hanging out with others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire something in separation of me here and within this allow it to be the reason and purpose for me hanging out with others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others within communication and social interaction for my own self interest, where I seek to attain something separate from me within the belief that “if I do this – then I will get this” I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to simply be here, with all that I interact with, as an unconditionally expression and presence of myself I forgive myself that...

"A man's goodness is truly measured by what he is, not what he does."- Deepak Chopra First off, Deepak Chopra - I would like to ask you... Does "who you are" define what you do? Let's play around a bit with this... A man rapes a child. Many say, "I'm surprised.. I would never think he would do that.. he seemed like a "good man" --Does this then justify the actions of rape? Is he then no longer held accountable for his actions - because some view him as a "good man"?? This statement by Deepak Chopra allows too much room for one to not take any self responsibility for their actions. It is saying, "Don't see how you live or what you do or do not do in this world - just look at "who you are" in this world as a way to define yourself. So the many ego maniacs that run this world are free to then justify hoarding all the wealth of the world from the majority, as actions they live everyday, and then claim, ...