Day 88 - Ulterior Motives

This blog is about seeing in self honesty my starting point for ‘going out’ with others – there was a motive, to get something that I ‘wanted’, of course within self interest, and not based on equality as equal consideration of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within ulterior motives when hanging out with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire something in separation of me here and within this allow it to be the reason and purpose for me hanging out with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others within communication and social interaction for my own self interest, where I seek to attain something separate from me within the belief that “if I do this – then I will get this”

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to simply be here, with all that I interact with, as an unconditionally expression and presence of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions within life based on my secret minds desire to obtain something separate from me, whether it’s attention or communication or validation for the personalities I present, expecting something in return for my participation

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize within self honesty that acting within attempting to seek something as validation for what I accept within my mind is self dishonest and a disgrace to life as I have seen, realized and understand that to desire to receive within the fake act of giving of myself as social interaction, I am not being honest nor unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be here unconditionally, accepting myself as who I am here as life, as each breath, and instead exist within the mind of plots and plans and secrets ways to manipulate others to support me within the characters and personalities that I Have defined myself as

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse others, to use and abuse life, for my own perceived gain

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider life as my equal within social interactions and communications

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to then judge others for the way that they communicate and interact with each other as having ulterior motives, instead of realizing it has been and is me all along

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will find something outside of myself within communication and others – thus giving my power away to realize for myself that I am able to give and live that which I seek from others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue seeking in separation of myself and from others, something that I believe will fulfill me, when really I am only following the carrot on the string as the pursuit of happiness as believing life is about feeling good

When and as I see myself deciding to socially interact and communicate within the starting point of self interest as seeking a desired outcome, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the realization that this is abuse of myself as dishonesty and abuse of others in not allowing myself to be here unconditionally without expectations and so I breathe, I stop and I forgive the self interest I allow to direct me into communication and social interaction with others and decide for myself to simply breathe, be here and honor myself and others as myself equally in not needing to get anything from another as I have perceived I can

When and as I see myself communication and interacting with others based on the desire to ‘follow my bliss’ in accepting happiness as the purpose of life, I stop and I breathe and I realize ithin this I am allowing energy to direct me, and I realize it is within self interest, as I then separate myself from others in using them for my own purposes – to get what I want without considering them as my equals and thus I breathe until I am clear and breathe throughout communication, allowing myself to stand equal and one with another as the communication happening without secret plots or plans or ulterior motives, but to simply be here, enjoying myself as life, with and as another as life, equal and one

I commit myself to stop the secret mind of deceptive manipulation within attempting to have for myself that which I perceive is separate from me

I commit myself to stop needing something from another in communication and interaction, and I commit myself to simply be here, breathing, enjoying myself as real physical life

I commit myself to stop the dishonesty within desiring a specific outcome within communications and interactions with others

I commit myself to realize and always see the starting point from which I move in this world to ensure I clear and remove all the self interest, to then be able to walk free and clear here as life within self honest, and uncoditionality

I commit myself to walk the process of daily writing to uncover the truth of myself, with self honest – to be completely honest with myself about who I am and how I exist – to see through the veil I pull over my eyes within the mind in justifying and attempting to gain the self interest desires, instead I commit myself to realize that I cannot trust myself as the mind, and thus I trust myself to breathe, as I can trust the breath, as it is simply here and stable and consistent, there is no fluxuation or change, simply the in and out functioning of life and it’s interconnected participation within this reality

I commit myself to forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed and thus lived as ‘who I am’ as the nature of myself, as I have seen realized and understood that since I created it, I can change it and thus I commit myself to walk the self correction process of living self honest as an equal unconditional expression of life, always within the consideration of what is best for all and thus letting go of my desire to be self interested in only consider what is best for me

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