Kristina's Journey to Life

The other day at work I was having reactions to a co-worker. It was a negative reaction in perceiving him as ‘talking down’ to me and ‘belittling’ me and basically, feeling like he was questioning my common sense. I noticed that his tonality and the way he expressed his words triggered this reaction within me, and even the way he would look at me while he was talking, I interpreted as him challenging me as basically saying I am not worthy to be even speaking to him – to leave him alone and let him do his job. Now this could be in the context of because I am a ‘new employee’ - I am still aligning myself to the flow of the restaurant, and how my co-workers are in their working space – yet I can see the reason this reaction was triggered within me is simply because it’s a point I've participated/expressed in my own life, towards others. And in not taking responsibility for that, I am instead, here , projecting this unto to my co-worker. It’s like saying, in my life, I have ...

Tomorrow I am going out of town and am looking forward to traveling. Today I had to work, one more shift before I leave. I have been working quite a bit since I have been on break from school. I walked into work with the expectation that it would be slow and perhaps I would be able to leave a little bit earlier and have more of the day to make sure all was set for my travels and everything else was done for the day. This was my first mistake - walking into work with an expectation. An expectation is basically an idea of how you think things will go or more specifically - how you would like things to go. So it's basically existing within a state of mind that sees reality as one way when the actual, physical reality might have a whole other story to tell. The Real Story. So while my shift at work started and things were going fine, it remained steady with business. After the initial lunch rush, I again expected the business to slow down and I would be able to get done ear...

Distractions. That is a point I'm continuing with and going to look at the various ways I've distracted myself as a way to not face myself, to not be here but to simply entertain myself, constantly looking for a form of reward. The reward is usually as positive energy, feeling, experiences, ect - but it's not just a looking for this - it is an attempt to hide from something, to avoid something, to postpone something, to run away from something. Simply put it is an act of fear, fear of facing self and the responsibility I have in this World - of who I am and what I have created and so, what I accept and allow. So first distraction I see I use within my life for this point of deliberate avoidance/escapism is obviously - the mind. The Mind as memories and fantasies and images and desires and future projections. It could be a wish of some potential outcome to play out or a past conversation I've had with someone. Usually when I'm allowing such a point of distract...

This blog is in relation to the various mind influences I can have when facing a person or situation. Wherein I will go into my head, within thoughts , and consider all ' what if 's and what about this or what about that and should I do this, or should I do that?' It's like completing disregarding the physical interaction or experience with another with thoughts about how to be and 'what it means' - as if interactions or communications require some form of code to decipher. So this point is of interpreting physical reality within the mind's own perceptions and simply not allowing myself to be here, breathing and simply expressing in the moment - yet attempt to 'figure out' a way 'to be' based on how I am interpreting reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret my reality and interactions with others with my mind, as thoughts and feelings and emotions, instead of realizing this is a program construc...