Kristina's Journey to Life

The other day at work, I took a moment in between shifts - meaning, I was working a 'double shift' where I was working both the morning and afternoon/evening shifts at my work, which can be quite a long day for my physical body considering the nature of my job being physically demanding. Anyways, about the time the morning shift was ending and the afternoon/evening shift was beginning, I stepped outside and took a short break. While I was enjoying the ability to sit down and be in the sun, I found myself experiencing myself 'very fast.' Where it's like I was constantly looking around me, and I was fidgeting and I was experiencing this 'rushing' feeling within me where the only way to explain this would be to say I was not slowing down. What I saw in that moment was carrying the 'experience' of my job/work with me into that moment as 'my break.' I work in a restaurant and the environment in general is 'fast paced' where there is ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to move quickly through and as each point in my life, attempting to reach a desired outcome placed within my mind wherein I think and believe that if I can just quickly and swiftly get to this point, then all will be well and I will be ok and THEN I will slow down I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to move quickly and swiftly through points in my life without considering walking space and time as the practical reality of 'how to' actually create and design the point I am attempting to 'get to' so fast - failing to actually see reality and instead just see the image of what I want within my mind and think that it will somehow just magically work itself out, without considering what I must do in each moment to ensure that I create such an outcome, what considerations I must look at, what decisions I must make, what actions I must live and instead just exist within my mind in...

Day 5 Tonight while I am wanting to go to bed - I have this point within me of "I have to get this done" as well a resistance to completing it. This 'it' is writing here. And what I see within the point of either going to bed and doing a blog tomorrow vs getting one done tonight - is this point of like I am in a race. Not wanting to skip a day because that will get me 'behind' - and wanting to be 'in the lead'. What a fuck Up - Life is Not a Race. This Process of EQUALITY is not a race. I stop this Here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define life as a race -wherein I have to be 'ahead of the game' I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the starting point of competition - where I have to be better, be more, be ahead and be the example - wherein I separate myself from all as me not even realizing this point and process is about Equality - Equalizing myself as All within realizing we are i...