194: In My Mind I Am Speedy Gonzales (Gone-Salas)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to move quickly and swiftly through points in my life without considering walking space and time as the practical reality of 'how to' actually create and design the point I am attempting to 'get to' so fast - failing to actually see reality and instead just see the image of what I want within my mind and think that it will somehow just magically work itself out, without considering what I must do in each moment to ensure that I create such an outcome, what considerations I must look at, what decisions I must make, what actions I must live and instead just exist within my mind in seeing the image of some future projection of 'what I would like' and be sold on that in not seeing the actual 'how to' walk it into reality
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and irritated when my reality is not moving at the speed in which I would like, indicating that I am seeing my reality and living my reality to much from the perspective of my mind,where I am not actually 'here, breath by breath, but instead existing in some future projection of what I want and thus become frustrated and irritated when my actual physical REAL-ity does not match the reality within my mind - the illusion
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to desire the illusion more than actual physical reality
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to never reality (realize) that I exist within space and time as a physical being in physical reality and time actually move quite slowly if I were to walk with it equally, as one breath at a time as one moment in time wherein I have the ability to be here and without any kind of reaction or response to how I 'perceive' time to be moving and thus desire some speedy process to get me to some end point without realizing the actual process I MUST WALK to ensure I get to where I want to be
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of walking with/as space and time as actual physical reality, with/as my actual physical body, with/as each breath, instead exist within my mind where things are moving like fucking speedy Gonzales and within this, I am 'gone-salas' - where I am no where to be found, I am not here, instead I am in some made up reality in my mind that does not actually exist and thus accepting myself as separate and separating from existence - actually leaving reality
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to leave reality through my participation and validation as my participation within my mind wherein I desire and value more what I see in my mind as a future projection, and not at all realizing or considering what must be done in physical reality to actually create it - instead just sit in this fake reality in my head, that does not exist and then become irritated and whine within myself as to why I cannot have this reality - not realizing that I am not even IN reality as I allow this, and so obviously how can I create anything in my actual reality if I am not here - realizing that true creation happens in physical reality as physical movement and so I require to be here, directing myself in EACH MOMENT as each breath as walking my process to get to where I am going and thus should be in the consideration of what is best for all and not in the limited space within my mind of 'what I want' as my desire and self interest
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to jump ahead of myself within my mind in not being here as physical space and time reality, walking in/as each moment, absolutely here in directing myself within the direction I would like to take to establish myself here in all ways as an actual physical being in/as actual physical reality, within the ability to see directly, and to move and live myself in ways that are always within the consideration of what is best for all
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think I can just think up my reality and poof, it comes true, instead of realizing the gift I have of being here in/as space and time, in being able to actually walk moment by moment in(to) ensure I am creating the path and thus outcome I see is best for all, and so each moment with the gift to correct myself as ensuring the stone I lay before me is one I can walk on within stability and trust that it is secure
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react when my environment and others within my environment are not moving as the speed I would like - one that match the quickness of my mind wherein I make up my mind and do not consider other's or my world or the movements required within that, and instead just react in wanting what I want and wanting it now
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to instant gratification in expecting quick and fast results and within this expecting others and my world to move as quickly as I do within my mind, indicating I am not yet slowing myself effectively to walk with actual physical reality, and actual physical beings, as each breath - moment by moment - day by day - point by point
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lost within my mind as the image of a future projection that I define as desirable and what I would like to experience/live in my current reality - wherein participating with this in my mind, I start to judge my actual reality - what is actually HERE and real as me and as my world/immediate environment and thus desire to escape which leads me to do things in my attempt to escape that are not supportive behavior for myself and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape my reality through/as the participation within my mind - just speeding ahead of myself as sitting within my mind as the future projection that I would like to have/create/be here yet it is not and do not consider what must be walked in real time to bring it here as me/my reality
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the gift I have in each breath, and actually slowing myself down to walk in/as each moment - slowing down life so that I do not live in such a way where I look back and say "what happened - where did the time go" as I see I accept and allow this as a consequence of who I am/my life when I separate myself into the space within my mind where I am like a 'jumper' in reality, existing in the past, present and future and in this participating, reality escaping me - losing time and not moving within/as time and thus realizing this is not what I want to live and see it is not best for all because I am then not here directing myself, LEADING myself into the direction/path that will create an outcome that is best for all - instead I am following the carrot on the stick as the images within my mind - I will no longer accept this of myself
When and as I see myself existing within and participating as the images within my mind of future projections that I would like to have here currently as my reality - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself out of the illusion and into/as actual real physical reality to stop the rushing I am attempting to create in getting to the point which I desire, seeing/realizing/udnerstading that this is separation and this is not creating the outcome I would like to have, instead it is stopping me form actually moving myself in physical reality as a distraction from physical reality and so I commit myself to walk breath by breath, slowing myself to be here in each moment and supporting myself to chose in every moment to direct myself, to make decisions and assessments that are within the actual physical reality considerations and to then move myself as my actions to do what is necessary to be done to create that which I would like, as what i see is best for all and also I commit myself to stop expecting the image within the mind as the future projection I want to have here but is not ACTUALly here, to manifest itself without my participation in physical reality where I realize I must do certain things, one by one as an accumulation process of walking in the direction of creating my reality in that which I would like - no longer existing in the space within my head where the image is not real, yet I desire it, and instead be here, direct myself here, do what I see is necessary to create that which I would like to live
When and as I see myself becoming frustrated and irritated by the 'slowness' of my reality in not moving fast enough to get me to where I want to go, which is defined as a future projection within my mind, I stop and I breathe and I SLOW DOWN as I see within this frustration and irritation I am not actually here, I am not actually living, I am not actually existing in physical reality, instead I am separating myself into the space and time within my mind that moves instantly without the consideration of the real space and time as this physical reality and so I use this as support to bring myself back to awareness, back to myself here, back to the moment to be able to walk in reality, directing myself and living in such ways that, one by one, produce the outcome in which I would like, that I see is best for all and thus able to create this accumulate effect through my moment by moment participation in reality - I commit myself to stop living in my mind where time escapes me and I attempt to escape my life as a judgment and instead create my reality to be a place I do not need to judge but can live fully and actively
I commit myself to create patience within myself towards others and my environment in walking in physical reality, breath by breath, equally as other physical beings and my reality - where I no longer impose the speed of my mind that moves like a mile a minute and instead equalize myself with real space and time as breath by breath, moment by moment to ensure I do not create a reality for myself or for all that was not deliberate created by me within the consideration and direction/decision of what is best for all
I commit myself to slow myself down with the assisting of breathing and daily writing as I have come to see and realize that when I do not support myself within these points, I am within my mind, moving much to quick and not processing all points that come up within me or that happen outside of me and so I commit myself to these daily applications as the process of slowing down and walking in REAL time
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