196: "To Do" For Real - Live In Each Moment
When and as I see myself reacting to 'new points' that emerge within my day that I might not have been expecting or that I committed to in a past moment yet do not actually want to walk through those points because of an idea I have created within my mind as the image of my 'to do' list of things I would like to get done, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the moment of myself as self direction within self movement and allow myself to be with the moment and the points that are 'here' and do not allow myself to react as I see/realize/understand that within reacting to my physical reality and points and commitments and responsibilities that are necessary to address/get done/walk through in the moment, I am separating myself from what is 'actually here' and instead attempting and trying to hold onto an image within my mind of a list of other things I wanted to do instead and so I commit myself to realize that the idea within my mind of 'what my day would look like' is not valid from the perspective that the mind as images and ideas does not take into consideration of actual physical reality and what is actually 'here' and so I commit myself to stop attempting to hold onto the image within my mind as an illusion, and instead walk breath by breath to be here in each moment, to be present with each point that arise in each moment, whether I was 'expecting' them or not thus to be able to actually direct myself in physical reality and no longer following along to the image in my mind that gives me the direction as what I 'should' be doing
When and as I see myself creating a list of 'things to do' as an image within my mind that allow a future projection to exist within/as me as 'showing me' what I 'will' be doing - in some later time in my day, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to reality as I see/realize/understand that I am not actually 'here' as actual physical reality - walking breath by breath, moment by moment, and instead existing/living within my mind that is not of substance, yet shows me an image I 'would like' to live out - yet never do and so I commit myself to instead make a PHYSICAL list of the responsibilities I would like to accomplish in my day, taking into consideration self honestly what is practically possible within my day as what I am able to complete and so no longer trusting and allowing an image of how I would like to live and instead actually live - in physical reality, making a physical list of things 'to do' as taking a pen and writing down on paper what it is I require to do in that day and so direct myself within physical reality and no longer taking direction from my mind as an image of a list that I need to do
I also see/realize/understand that in creating an image within my mind of a 'to do' list - attached to this is feelings and self definitions as an idea of myself that I would like to live out, and experience, yet it still is trapped within the realm of my mind and not actually real because I have proven to myself time and time again that I cannot trust me as my mind as I simply accept the experience i generate through THINKING of what I will... eventually... do... later... in the day... sometime, but when it comes to actually DOING IT - I don't and so I commit myself to stop deluding myself in thinking 'this time the image I can trust' and instead stop, breathe and be here in physical reality as self directive movement to physically make the list and walk through each point - realizing this is the point I establish self trust within physical reality as I am now willing myself to do the things on my list, that i can see and touch and read, instead of just trusting the image in my mind as doing these things and how I will feel about myself 'once they are done' - instead I get them done for real and let go of the feelings about it
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