207: A Slave to Feelings and Emotions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on certain responsibilities and commitments in my life because a new 'focus' has recently opened within my life that I define within my mind as 'better' and thus desire to give it more attention
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this one point as more than the other things in my life - where I judge things in my life according to the experiences I allow within myself that produce good or bad feelings and so according to this reaction - to an energetic reactions based on definitions and perceptions in my mind - determine what I will give my attention and focus on and within this define some things as responsibility and commitments in my life that I have been walking as not good enough, in producing the 'feel good' feelings that I am seeking for and thus based on this, want to give them up
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way where feelings decide my life - instead of me deciding my life - where I have abdicated my ability to reason within common sense as what would be best for me within my life and instead trust the 'positive/negative' feelings that come up seemingly out of no where - yet are sustained within me according to self definitions and how I define other things within separation as either 'positive or negative' or 'good or bad' and so within this limit things within my world and reality to one point or the other, instead of stopping the judgments - stopping the 'need' for an energetic experience that I enjoy more than another - where I actual fear one of them, obviously the negative, and thus desire the opposite - the positive and so within this - allow this to direct me in how I make decisions within my life and ultimately what I spend my time on in regards to my attention and focus
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings (positive energy) and emotions (negative energy) to guide me throughout my life - instead of asking, but is this really me? Aren't my emotions and feelings influenced by memories and past experiences? Aren't I then always existing in the past and never present, here, in/as each new moment as each new breath? And so I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to question every feeling and emotion that I experience that then determine the decisions I make in my life - in what I will walk in my life and how I judge or define some things as better than others and allow this to be the reason I do things or not or where I give my attention and focus to - according to how they MAKE ME feel - revealing it is not a self directive expression/statement of me here, I am just allowing myself to be a slave to energy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the things in my life that I want to 'give up on' as 'boring' and that they have 'run it's course' instead of realizing that I am simply using this as a justification to not take responsibility for the commitment I have made within such a responsibility - where instead of investigating myself in what I am accepting and allowing, such as not giving my all within these points and basically saying I don't really care about these things as it clearly shows in my actions - instead think I can just 'give it up' and not question myself or who I am showing myself to be in such a decision as my living actions
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to complete anything I have attempted to start in my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the loss of interest I find myself now experiencing in relation to certain points within my world - where before it was like so cool to be doing these things and I told myself I enjoyed them - but now I am within a negative experience of thinking and believing these things are no longer enjoyable and finding any excuse I can give myself to justify WHY I am losing interest - realizing it is because a new point has opened within my life and now I define that to be the only thing that matters and thus just want to give up the rest - which is a pattern I have played out time and time again throughout my life and so see this is a cycle I must stop, as it's not a self directive cycles - it is according to who I define myself within energy and how energy moves me to make decisions in life according to positive and negative experiences
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up within these points of responsibility and commitments within my life as a deliberate ways to not stand up and take responsibility for myself within these points in my life - instead of changing ME within WHO I AM in/as these responsibilities and commitment realizing the 'problem' is not these points; not outside/separate from me here - and to instead just walk a way, throw in the towel and give up - realizing here that this is not the process I am walking - I am walking a process of self transformation and thus here I am faced with a gift - and opportunity to change me within this experience I have accepted and allowed to influence me within myself and my life - and so I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to realize and see and understand the moment I have here as support to change myself within these points of responsibility and commitment - to STOP what I have been accepting and allowing and to instead CHANGE ME to no longer require energy to move me or to influence what I do in this life and instead direct myself in deciding for ME, without energy as positive/negative experiences, who I am in each and all things I do in this life and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this desire to not change, because instead I want to just give up and walk away from these points I have justified to be 'not good enough' to give me the feel good feelings I am looking for, instead of questioning and investigating who I am within this - what am I accepting and allowing and WHY am I allowing feelings and emotions according to memories and self definitions within my mind to direct me, instead of me directing me in looking at what is practical for me in this life that will best support me to walk my process and the commitment I have made in this life to create myself and a world that is best for all and stop giving into energy to be my master - I commit myself to stop being a slave - I commit myself to STOP and Stand Up and be the authority I require to see what I am accepting and allowing and to no longer participate
I commit myself to look at the things/points within my world within common sense and practical considerations within physical reality - no longer allowing the illusions of emotions and feelings that are simply illusions that I create and exist within/as my mind - to determine how my life will go, as I see/realize/understand that to allow illusionary things to direct me is quite insane, as I can stop them in ONE moment, as ONE breath thus proving they are not REAL and so I commit myself to get real with myself, assess my world and reality - see what would best support my world/reality and me to function within what is best according to what is currently here and THEN make decisions that will determine how my life will go
I commit myself to grounding myself within/as physical reality with the support of writing, breathing and self forgiveness to see past the energy as emotions and feelings that throw me in all directions without being self directive and instead get back to reality, consider within common sense what is practical for me in my life and in this PHYSICAL reality that will produce an outcome that is best for me and all
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