Kristina's Journey to Life

Here are more points I am facing as walking a 21-Day process of No Naps. This is day 3.  Today was overall cool in terms of not ‘feeling’ like I required to nap. I did go into a bit of “I'm tired” mode while I was in class, with the yawning and slouching a bit in my chair, yet I kept breathing and sitting up and moving myself physically as being present, here, paying attention to what was being said, hearing the words of the professor. I was grateful to be in class as this point came up of ‘feeling tired’ because obviously I was not in the environment to sleep, and as expected, the experience passed. Currently in my city it is like 100 degrees outside. HOT. And I live on the 3rd floor with no air conditioning. The main parts of the house do have air conditioning, yet my room is ‘bearable’ in that I have lived in this type of heat for the last 2 summers and have become use to it. But I see that this tiredness character comes in when I am reading or doing work while sitting ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to move quickly through and as each point in my life, attempting to reach a desired outcome placed within my mind wherein I think and believe that if I can just quickly and swiftly get to this point, then all will be well and I will be ok and THEN I will slow down I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to move quickly and swiftly through points in my life without considering walking space and time as the practical reality of 'how to' actually create and design the point I am attempting to 'get to' so fast - failing to actually see reality and instead just see the image of what I want within my mind and think that it will somehow just magically work itself out, without considering what I must do in each moment to ensure that I create such an outcome, what considerations I must look at, what decisions I must make, what actions I must live and instead just exist within my mind in...

What I have seen throughout my life - and more recently in the past few years - is just how much I think. How there is a thought for every moment of every day. Whether it's a reaction as back chat where I comment on a person, place or thing, or a memory where I transport myself back into time into an experience where I re-play the scene to experience the character I starred as - or into future projection of how I would like to act in ways that get me the most acceptance and validation for the character I decide to suit up in that moment. Yet what is happening in these moments of playing a character - is I am accepting myself as just that - a character I am playing - a role I am fitting into - a structure I am a pillar for for myself and others - to exist in an illusion that we are just creating. And so the key here - WE ARE CREATING. We have not even realized we have created this whole game we are playing - all the roles we accept of ourselves, "I am this.. I am that... I ...

Today I was sitting with some people, eating and talking and just hanging out. Some were inside and some were outside with me. While we were sitting there, I thought I heard my name being called, so I said, "what". The two that were sitting with me looked at me and I asked, "did someone call my name?" They said no and I said, "I thought I heard someone call my name." One of the beings said, "You should never answer if you hear your name calling and you should never walk towards where you heard your name being called" This brought up the point that I once participated within myself. The Belief that if you hear your name being called and no one is there, then it is a being from the 'other side' aka a dead guy. And that you should never answer it - as if to say they are 'negative beings' and you should not answer them. Lol - it's funny to look at this point now as I can see the silliness in it - it's just a superstition w...

" I am so Powerful - I see what I can do. I visualize nightly what I desire and it manifests quickly" This I recently heard from someone in my reality. These words echoed the past life I lived wherein I beLIEved thoughts created reality and feelings brought to me that which I desire. That is when I existed within self interest - wanting desperately to create a reality where I was content - where I was happy - where I was fulfilled and satisfied - where I could create my own bliss. Then the wake up Call. How illusionary the picture board of bright colors and majestic places on earth trapped me into my own deception. Where my vision was set on the bright light that I blinded myself with. Where I refused to see Reality - what is Actually Here - and turned my cheek to see only within my own eye of desire = creating a Reality that I defined Best for Me. The deception within this - is that there is a WHOLE world Here that I was refusing to see and believed if only I saw...

Excuses to not do what I have committed myself to do. Last night I came home from work with a headache. The headache is a similar pain I Have had before - and I know it's from thinking - from existing within ego and participating in the energy of 'highs and lows' wherein I use energy to move me and direct me in my world. After allow the positive energy to fuel me and I move and take many actions - I end up cycling back to the low so that the equation may balance itself out - and thus end up 'feeling' like not doing anything. And again - allow this energetic emotion direct me as energy that fuels me to not do anything. So last night I could have written for myself - yet I 'chose' not to - as I was giving myself all sorts of excuses such as 'I'm in too much pain' and 'I don't feel like it' These are the moments I require to allow myself to realize the gift of SELF - MOVEMENT - wherein I do not require energy as thoughts and feelin...

Today I started a veggie garden. I have been wanting to do this for over a year now - and so throughout the winter I was researching various sites and videos to gain perspective on how to actually do this. Simple enough. So today was the day I 'got it done'. I now have a small garden box in my back yard with carrot seeds, and green beans, and tomatoes, and bell peppers, and scallions. Something small just to start me out. We do not have the ideal back yard space for a garden - so I built a garden box. I found some random slabs of wood in the garage and threw myself together a garden box. Within myself - I felt proud. Proud of myself for getting this done. For being inventive in improving with materials and actually constructing a garden box. Then - family members came home and I wanted their praise as well - wanted them to be impress with me. Seeking of attention? Desire for being seen as doing something worthy? Who was I doing this for in the first place? Me - I did it...

2012 is here and the minds of Men are going mental. Literally - everyone is trapped within the mental realities of thoughts and fantasy. What do you want to happen in 2012? What do you THINK will happen in 2012? Where are you going in 2012? What will come in 2012 ? Many people believe that the "great" Mayan Civilization that had such high tech advancements in the timing of the Universe has set that 2012 is the year when Humanity will enter into a "New Time" This has been taken in so many avenues and construed to mean so many things.... which one do you enslave yourself to? Some of these 2012 hopefuls believe that an ASScension will be taken place. That their is a "greater reality" that we will just magically float up to. That those "special" enough to be in awareness of this "higher consciousness" will leave this reality behind and conveniently find themselves in a reality so much better then this one. Some call this the ...

Day 14 Thinking is separation - separation from what is Here as the phsycial Reality -where we are in fact and that which matters. As I was washing a french press that I have at my mom's place - it reminded me of when I was on the Desteni Farm - where I first used a french press. I was in my mind within this memory, the different experiences I had with the french press and how I broke at least 1, very possible 2 of them while I was there. And while I was thinking about this - within the Reality that is Here - that Reality I was separating myself from being within the memory, existing only for me, I broke the french press I was washing. Interesting - because as I was separating from the Physical Reality, existing in the Imaginary Reality - I ended up breaking/ruining what it is I was actually participating with. Just a small example and reminder for me of what it means to be within and As the Mind - it completely disregards what is Real - what is actually Here - and a...