Day 10 - Life is not Polarized

Excuses to not do what I have committed myself to do.

Last night I came home from work with a headache. The headache is a similar pain I Have had before - and I know it's from thinking - from existing within ego and participating in the energy of 'highs and lows' wherein I use energy to move me and direct me in my world. After allow the positive energy to fuel me and I move and take many actions - I end up cycling back to the low so that the equation may balance itself out - and thus end up 'feeling' like not doing anything. And again - allow this energetic emotion direct me as energy that fuels me to not do anything.

So last night I could have written for myself - yet I 'chose' not to - as I was giving myself all sorts of excuses such as 'I'm in too much pain' and 'I don't feel like it'

These are the moments I require to allow myself to realize the gift of SELF - MOVEMENT - wherein I do not require energy as thoughts and feelings and emotions to direct me - but to in spite of what I Have allowed of myself - stand within self responsibility as self honesty to move myself. No excuses should be allowed. And so this moment could have been a gift of self seeing what self was allowing and in the moment stop it - yet I did not. I gave in the experience i Have created as the consequences of thinking and participating in polarity - and ended up going to sleep in stead as a way to suppress the experience of myself and not face what it is I was doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a victim within the pain of a headache - instead of realizing the pain is that which I create/accept/allow within and as the act of thinking/feelings/emotions as I am abusing my physical and causing pain through not being here and so the physical pain of a head ache is actually supporting me to be here with/as my physical - instead of separate from myself in the alternate realities of the mind where I allow positive/negative energies to fuel me and direct me in my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the pain of a headache for the accepted and allowed participation of myself within and as the mind as energies of positive/negative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed/fueled by positive experiences I create within/as myself through thinking and thus allow this to move me within my world/my reality to get things done and keep up with my commitments

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the positive energies of the mind through thinking without realizing that the positive experience will have to balance out with it's equal which is negative and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not yet realize the consequences of existing within polarity where I do realize that for one point to exist the other must exist and thus I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize the consequences of allowing such polarity participation within myself and within the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed/fueled my the negative energies of the mind of "I don't feel like it" to move me within myself and my world wherein I allow the thoughts to be real as who I am and thus live it out within my reality where i submit myself to the thoughts/experience and end of allowing myself to fall within the minds dictatorship - instead of realizing the gift of the moment to stand up and direct myself within that very moment to say, 'No - I do not allow myself to be directed by the mind of experience' and thus breathe and move myself within doing that which I have committed myself to do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define life as positive and negative - instead of realizing they are one and equal and thus to exist within one point I give permission for the other to exist - and so I stop this and allow myself to realize/live equality and oneness - wherein no energies exist as that is not who we really are and thus self movement as self responsibility can emerge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as energy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as feelings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as emotions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as my thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and alllowing myself to abdicate my self responsibility of self honest self movement within every moment of/as breathe where I no longer allow the mind to dictate me and who I am and how I live - but stand as directive principle of myself in every moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have free choice within myself and my world - wherein I prove clearly to myself that I don't when I allow the mind to dictate what I do or don't do based on experiences of feelings and emotions generated through the act of thinking - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept my own enslavement to my Mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions

I commit myself to stop my participating the the ideas of needing energy to move myself - I move myself as the breathe as this is self honest movement within self responsibility for myself and who I am and what I allow in every moment that I am here

I commit myself to stop allowing excuses of a negative experience generated through thinking direct me within myself/my world - I commit myself to direct myself within each moment - realizing this is Standing up for me as Life

I commit myself to walk my process of self change wherein I push myself to do that which is necessary to be done every moment - every day as I walk to ensure I create myself into a being that stands/lives/represents what is best for all - and thus commit myself to not allowing any excuses keep me from my commitment here and within/as myself as the breath

When and as I see myself participating in the energy of positivity within myself that i am allowing to direct me and my world - I stop and I breathe realizing I have already faced the consequences of this being that balancing out and allowing the negative within myself as well - and thus I stop and equalize myself through/as breathing wherein I am here - silent- actually living without the need of energy and thus able to effectively move myself within myself and throughout my world

When and as I see myself victimizing myself through the experience of pain - I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to realize the gift of the moment of physical pain as a headache being the support of/as my physical bringing me back here - back the reality within/as the physical as that which is real and thus I allow myself to realize the moment of the gift of the support to then direct myself instead of allowing throughts of the experience direct me

When and as I see myself defining myself within energies of the mind as positive/negative - I stop - and I breathe realizing life is not polarized and allow myself to realize only through the mind as ego do we polarize life wherein we define things as 'good or bad', 'positive or negative' - when Life is simply here walking each moment of/as breath