Kristina's Journey to Life

Today is day two of no naps. Yesterday was an easy day to walk through in terms of making sure I did not allow myself to go into napping as I was up late the night before, and slept later into the day and had just more than a few hours before work. So I was up, did what I had to do in terms of responsibilities and then went to work. I did see however on my way to work the point came up of ‘wanting to sleep’ – where I had the thought, “ I am tired” and the physical consequence of my eyes becoming heavy and in this justifying that yes, man I really want to nap. Obviously I could not as I was on my way to work, but I gave into that experience through the back chats of “fuck this, I don’t want to work, I’d rather take a nap” and “how am I going to be able to get through this work shift” and “this is going to be a struggle” and so basically creating my whole experience for the night/work shift as being difficult and a struggle in ‘pushing myself’ through in ‘having to be at work’ when ...

So here we are Day 3 of the 21 days of Breathing - and today was cool in regards to bringing myself back more to myself here, as the breath. I was able to breathe through some points of resistance where I wanted to lay down mid-day and take a little nap. This is a relationship I have created that I am in conflict with, where I see myself go into my mind and tell myself "I want to lay down" and experience myself as tired, yet when I do this, I always see my dishonesty as I could have breathed through it yet never really supported myself to do so. And then later I see all the points I allowed myself to postpone or put off because of this desire to sleep, and this only compounds self judgments and guilt for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up within the experience I was accepting and allowing through my participation in the mind, not to mention the physical reality practical points that I accumulate in not 'keeping up' or 'staying with' certai...