Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing here from the self worth points I have been walking. I started with this acceptance within myself where I stated “I am not good enough, not worthy” and saw how easily it is for anyone to come to such a conclusion in a world where money is valued as what is worthy of/in life and the more you have, apparently the more you are – so I saw how in general, how this world is set up in terms of the economic system – the value system being out of whack as it is – produce such ideas within people. However, I also see my responsibility within this – in accepting this point within myself and thus the self forgiveness and self correction application that must be walked. Okay – so I will continue with the next point I placed for myself in that first blog of this series , where I said, “I accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth and being good enough outside and separate from me here - in a relationship with another” Alright – well this is a big point for me...

Relationships, as they currently exists - fueled by the Mind - are a trap that keep people stuck in a bubble of bliss without any awareness of reality. I know it's easy to 'fall' into this experience of joy where we think the whole world is now complete as 'we' have found something 'worth living for' - yet within this we do not have a clue - not an ounce - of what we are actually doing. While we are stuck in the love illusion - this world continues on without any consideration from humanity - no one sees the starving child, no one sees the raped women, no one cares about the homeless man, no one gives a shit about the brutality of this world - because we are all too busy being selfish in our desires for "love". Love does not exist - we prove it everyday by our inability to change a system that cause so much suffering. Relationships - especially the 'new ones' - are quite specific in keeping one busy in their minds about ' what if...

Continuing on the 21 day breathing challenge and the process in general in the last few days, where I have really tested in terms of who I am in each moment of each day and how/when I use breathing, I have really seen some shit behind the picture. Overall I have expressed myself to be a 'positive' person, where besides the fact that I believed thinking/acting only positive would create this in my world and reality - in general my general expression outwards has been positive, where people say, "you always see the bright side." And yes, I do see how I do that, go to see the positive of something. But what I have come to see in the last few days, with going to the aboslute extreme of positivity within my mind, is the negative that is fueling this whole point. The addiction I go into attempting to seek/gain/posses the positive feelings that I thrive off of are coming straight out of absolute hell I inflict on myself internally. I don't know if I would ha...

" I am so Powerful - I see what I can do. I visualize nightly what I desire and it manifests quickly" This I recently heard from someone in my reality. These words echoed the past life I lived wherein I beLIEved thoughts created reality and feelings brought to me that which I desire. That is when I existed within self interest - wanting desperately to create a reality where I was content - where I was happy - where I was fulfilled and satisfied - where I could create my own bliss. Then the wake up Call. How illusionary the picture board of bright colors and majestic places on earth trapped me into my own deception. Where my vision was set on the bright light that I blinded myself with. Where I refused to see Reality - what is Actually Here - and turned my cheek to see only within my own eye of desire = creating a Reality that I defined Best for Me. The deception within this - is that there is a WHOLE world Here that I was refusing to see and believed if only I saw...