Kristina's Journey to Life

In this 30 Day Journey of Self-Forgiveness , I in a way anticipated more and more stability emerge within myself - expected it actually. Thinking it would be of such support in grounding myself, and clearing myself. What I have and am experiencing here on Day 20 is actually quite different than what I expected, yet equally as supportive. There is a lot of saddness emerging within me... and a few moments of multiple streams of tears releasing from my eyes. And after these few moments of crying, a quiet calm within me. And what I can see is a letting go of many year of suppressed emotions. I have always been a stuff it down, run a way, and ignore it kind-of-girl. If things were too tough or challenging, if I was uncomfortable or in an unfamiliar place, if I didn't like something or it didn't 'feel right', I would simply resist it, or fight it, or completely disregard it. And so what I have here is an unleashing of what I've caged within me for so long... I mean s...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for what I’ve done in my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to forgive myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to let go of what I’ve done in my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I have been in my life and what I’ve done and within this judgment believe I do not deserve to be forgiven I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do not deserve to forgive myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate who I have been in my life I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to live in such ways where I accept myself to hate myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for lying to other people I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t...

Facing my reality and what is happening - and not wanting to face it. Wanting to hide away in my bed and sleep it away... as if it will go away or I will wake up to it being all a dream . As if physical reality is a dream - it is not. It is absolutely fucking real, and what happens in our reality - is ourselves. So instead of attempting to run away and hide - rather stand up and face the music. Face what is here and get to know myself within this. Who am I willing to be in the face of my reality? One that stands up and takes responsibility? Or one that cowards away in attempting to escape, trying to live the dream of make believe where everything is the way I want it to be. Time to get real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to in the moment of facing my reality and seeing an outflow I did not want to happen - attempt to hide and run away within myself in not wanting to face it, not wanting it to be real, but wanting to pretend it will go away. I forgive...