Kristina's Journey to Life

Forgiveness is a word I am still working with - understanding my definition of it, how I've understood it, asking myself if I've lived it. It came up as a word to look closer at because I was reconnected to this realization that essentially what this world needs is forgiveness. It is the ultimate tool we have to utilize to let go of what's been done and to start anew. Which is what we require in this world. There is no doubt in that. And so about a month ago I faced a moment where I had to pull forgiveness within and through me to change myself in a moment, and it was quite cool actually. I was communicating with a family member and the words they were speaking, what they were saying I did not like. I absolutely hated actually. I became 'livid' - so angry, I was kind of taken aback by it. And in the moment of "hearing them" (we were texting) - I attempted 3 or 4 times to write out a response that I ended up deleting. And the reason I ended up delet...

Lately, I've been practicing slowing myself down even more to a point where I am paying much more attention to who I am in a moment. This is something I have been practicing for years, but more so recently again realizing I have in a way become more automated in that practice, where it's not something I think about much, or consider much as of late - like it kind of gets put to the side as you get busy with day to day responsibilities. So I've re-directed myself back 'here', meaning - taking more moments throughout my day to check in with my breathing and to consider only focusing on myself, my body, my physical actions. Now I've decided to do this because recently I could see, again, a separation between me in this practice, and in allowing that, I allow a lot more shit to go on inside my mind . And for me, one of the big points is how much I focus on others in my reality - what are they thinking, what are they experiencing, analyzing and interpreting th...

I'm continuing on - now considering why is my automatic response to dealing with others "I don't like" as to just ignore or avoid? Is there another response I could have? Check out the first recording in this series here . The  Journey to Lifers Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without: Desteni DIP Lite Course  (FREE) DIP Pro Eqafe  (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc) For your Info: Destonian Wiki Equal Life Foundation SOUL (School of Ultimate Living)

Continuing from the previous two recordings . I investigate deeper into some reactions towards an individual in my life, and how they acted as a trigger to open up more relationships I have developed towards the word punishment, and how it's manifested in this world. There is a lot to uncover if we don't accept our 'first impressions' and dare to SEE MORE of what's Here. The  Journey to Lifers Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without: Desteni DIP Lite Course  (FREE) DIP Pro Eqafe  (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc) For your Info: Destonian Wiki Equal Life Foundation SOUL (School of Ultimate Living)

This recording is following a previous 'Crucial Keys to Self Change' recording I published - check it out. Here I share on the next/first step in 'bringing it back to myself' in terms of how I practically reflect on what it is about this other person that made my skin crawl/I didn't vibe with/that I just didn't click with. I look at my experience more specifically and discover what it is actually revealing to me how I feel about myself. If you have any questions or comments, please share! And I have a few more recordings in this series to come, so stay tuned! The  Journey to Lifers Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without: Desteni DIP Lite Course  (FREE) DIP Pro Eqafe  (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc) For your Info: Destonian Wiki Equal Life Foundation SOUL (School of Ultimate Living)

Putting a pause just for a moment on yesterday's blog, to address another point that came up today. Will continue from the previous writings tomorrow... Today, and for some time, I've noticed this point within me of, what I would call laziness because I had not yet done too much investigation on it. But digger deeper, I would say it has more to do than just laziness - while that's a dimensions of it, there is also some definitions that cause a problem I see. When I have to do anything such as work, or what I define as work/ responsibility , I want to take short cuts. Like for example, I've been doings some cleaning at my place of work while we are currently closed for the slow season. I wanted to leave at a certain time because apparently only a couple of hours of cleaning is what I can handle. There were only a few chairs left to clean, but I still wanted to just leave rather than take the extra time to finish the job up. I did end up staying, because I could see a...

Recently I made a statement while with my partner that I would like to call into question. We were meeting the commissioner that will marry us, and she was asking about the ceremony we would like – would I be wearing a dress, how many people would be attending, and if we had rings. When asked if we were going to exchange rings, we said no, and then I added, “We are young and poor.” I was looking at this statement the whole day afterward, considering the implication of my words and how I am living... or they are living words within/as my life . “We are young and poor.” There are a couple points I can see within this I see as important to address. I will open the first point up in this blog tonight, which is: First point, and most obvious to me (as it's come up a few times recently) is the explanation I feel is needed. Meaning – my partner and I are not going about getting married in the traditional sense. There is no rings, there is no wedding dress, there is so expensive ...

Have you ever had that experience where you KNOW what another person is thinking, or feeling , or experiencing? And from this KNOWING, you direct yourself in a certain way? Or really, it's not even about you directing yourself, when one interprets how another is experiencing themselves, one then is influenced by this interpretation. Which really is just an assumption . Let me explain a bit better. Recently I've noticed this point within me of where I will assume to know what another it thinking and feeling and experiencing. And what is most interesting about this assumption/interpretation is that it is always in relation to Me. Where I think I know how one is experiencing themselves in relation to me, and from this, will be influenced by this idea or interpretation of what I think I know they are experiencing in relation to me. Sounds kind of like a mess, doesn't it? Well it is. What I was supported to see today was that when I interpret what another person is ...

Cat Punching. I had not actually heard about such a thing. That this was actually a page on Facebook, promoting or showcasing such a thing as punching cats. What I saw when researching a bit about it was that it was something that happened back in February and was a Facebook page created called “Valentines Day Event – Cat Punching”. There was an uproar about it and people demanded it be removed, which it was. What I find most interesting about this is, yes, of course, animal abuse is absolutely atrocious, and yes of course, it should in no way be glorified or accepted for that matter, and so such a page should be removed. But to me what is most interesting is that 20,000 people can rally together, and act as a group, using the collect will and force to inflict awareness and demand a change in relation toward a particular point, yet when it comes to things that happen daily, which includes animal abuse, in the Real World, our group efforts cease to exist. It’s like b...

Continuing from the previous blog ... I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of waiting, as waiting for some specific, perfect condition to provide me with the opportunity to move myself and utilize my potential, realizing that no condition is ever perfect, and that I must create the conditions myself, in how I condition myself in my day to day living actions as either being self-supportive or self-destructive I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of waiting… as waiting for some future moment or event to signify my ‘okay’ to move myself and utilize my utmost potential, instead of realizing that this is simply existing within a future projection, an image within my mind of how things ‘may be’ and is essentially just existing within hope… hope for some future event to magically manifest wherein I THEN can live my utmost potential.. Here I realize it’s as if I’m in a resistance to living my pote...

Recently there is this point of like waiting…. Like I’m waiting for this moment in time to arrive so I can start actually living, which in this case me moving to Canada. It’s like I’m waiting for that time to arrive, or waiting for the moment when I can start packing, like ‘not yet’ – it’s not yet necessary for me to start. I had planned things well, and so far, things have gotten done in a timely manner because I am not feeling rushed or overwhelmed. I have directed what I need to direct and so I am walking with enough time and space, so why am I so unsatisfied? There is this point of me not living my potential. Not using the time I have effectively. Because I do have time for more projects, to be more active in my life, to be more engaged, to write my blogs and create vlogs and to do my own research and investigations and development… yet I’m not utilizing it; I'm not yet developing it to my full potential . I’m waiting. What am I waiting for? I’m waiting for the perfe...

Last week I had a dream I died. I was walking on a street in a neighborhood, and some guy came past me very fast and shot me with a gun, straight into my neck. It was at point blank – there was no missing me, it was inevitable, I was going to die. In that moment, my initial experience / reaction was shock. This was it – it has happened and there is nothing stopping it, I am going to die. I started to breathe, I brought myself to my breath, realizing that is where I am and this was happening. More things moved within me – I thought of my partner and the unexpectedness he would have to walk with, with me dying. I thought I wasn't ready, or that I slightly resisted the reality of what was happening, that I was dying. I was disappointed that it happened this way, that is happened at that time , I wasn't ready to go, or at least I thought. But then I realized, or within me I knew, it was happening, that was the reality and there was nothing I could do to change it… so ...