582: Forgive to Understand to Heal to Change the World
And so about a month ago I faced a moment where I had to pull forgiveness within and through me to change myself in a moment, and it was quite cool actually.
I was communicating with a family member and the words they were speaking, what they were saying I did not like. I absolutely hated actually. I became 'livid' - so angry, I was kind of taken aback by it. And in the moment of "hearing them" (we were texting) - I attempted 3 or 4 times to write out a response that I ended up deleting. And the reason I ended up deleting them is that I could clearly see I was reacting. My starting point was spite, and anger, and frustration... I wanted to say something to 'shake him up' and get a response out of him where he realized what "he" was doing... to me of course. But he wasn't doing anything. He was standing in a position he was not going to move from, and there was nothing I could do about it. That was part of my reaction.
But after the 3 or 4 attempts to respond, I realized I needed to take a moment. So I got up and took a walk to cool myself down. I realized there was a strong reaction to him and I wouldn't be able to effectively respond to him and that is my response-ability.
So I asked myself why it bothered me so much. And I walked and reflected. And questioned myself in that moment. And after some time of walking, and reflecting, the point came up of how I was only seeing from my side, from my perspective. I started to ask myself to consider the position he was standing in, and why he was making the decisions he was that was the trigger of my anger. I started to look at what could be the cause as to the outcome he expressed in his words. And there I began to understand.
Understand. Understanding. THAT is Forgiveness.
And I realized here I was supported to see another dimension of forgiveness. It is about understanding. When you understand where someone is coming from - WITHOUT the judgments towards them or about them - you began to SEE the why... their starting point. And in understanding, you start to realize the sources of problems we've created in this world... why people are full of fear, or why people lie, or why people steal, or why people murder, or why people rape, or why people starve, or why people are corrupt, or why people manipulate... when you ask why, without the judgment, the blame, the anger, basically without your own PERSONAL stuff getting in the way making things personal, you SEE for real the real source of the problems in this world. The real problems within humanity and so each individual human.
And so there, within understanding, I could see perhaps why he was making the decision he was, where he was coming from, and his perspective. And to a degree, I could relate. And so there, some common ground, and me stepping outside of my own wants/needs/desire/expectations, I could see through another person's eyes. And here I could let go. And here I could forgive. Because I could understand.
So that is my sharing on another aspect of forgiveness... the need for us to begin to understand each other. Forgiveness nurtures understanding. I can't tell you how many times I've sat with myself, writing out self-forgiveness, and each statement like another layer I remove to get to the core of my experience... and there I always find understanding... a clarity. And in the clarity is the direction. And solutions. And it's quite amazing simply put.
I encourage you to give forgiveness a try. Forgive to understand to heal to change.
Art By: Desteni Artists
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