Kristina's Journey to Life

Thanks to those that reached out after reading my previous blog - I appreciate your support very much. It was touching to hear from so many of you about what we've been going through. I did want to share that while the previous blog was perhaps on the heavier side, really laying down the experience we walked in losing the pregnancy, I would like to say that I did mourn and grieve and my ability to share is a reference for me that I am at a place of acceptance and understanding with it. I don't blame anything or anyone and I don't feel strong regret or shame... I've accepted it's happened and allowed myself to embrace it as now part of my journey that I can learn and grow from and share with others to hopefully support them to realize that yes, we must grieve, but we can also turn such tragedies into gifts.  My ability to grieve and mourn in the way that I did, and in the pace I did, I say gives credit to this process I've been walking for a decade now.

The day before Halloween my partner and I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for 4 months and to our shock and amazement, it had actually happened! And way faster than either of us ever conceived it would have. Just over 5 weeks later, when we were 9 weeks pregnant and having our first ultrasound we were told the fetus had no heartbeat. I was told to empty my bladder twice before the technician finally decided to do an internal ultrasound that confirmed what the technician was seeing... there was no heartbeat. The fetus was measuring at an age where there should have been a heartbeat. While the technician wanted to give us the news gently and with some hope that maybe the pregnancy wasn't as far along as we thought, my midwife gave it to us straight that there should be a heartbeat by now. And because there wasn't, this pregnancy wasn't progressing. She insisted if the fetus did not come out soon, we should get medical assistance to remove it. It was anoth