Kristina's Journey to Life

One weakness I see I have that I can work on strengthening is prioritizing. At work and at home I notice certain tasks will come up and I tend to do them first, even if there are other tasks I've started that are more pressing, I tend to just go with what comes up in a moment and so I'm constantly putting off other things. Part of this weakness of not prioritizing effectively is due to a resistance where some of the tasks I put off are also ones that are more challenging to me where I am not as comfortable doing them or I don't have much experience within it so I resist it because it's unfamiliar. Though the awareness of the weakness is the first step in changing it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not prioritize things that are more important than other things and instead do the jobs/tasks as they come to me instead of being willing to put those aside for a moment to do the more important/bigger/more pressing jobs I forgive myself tha...

A point here of when it's time to get off work this rush-ness kicks in where I start physically moving faster to get home as quickly as possible. It's the only logical speed to get away from something you are not comfortable in... and to get back to your comfort zone as fast as possible. Though, the more logical thing would be to ask myself why? Why am I uncomfortable at work? What is really going on within me, and my relationship to co-workers, my actual position and the overall time spent there each day? THAT is where discomfort becomes a gift in seeing WHAT I am uncomfortable with and why because THEN I can change it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush out of work the moment I am able to leave - rushing to the car, rushing on the drive home... rushing to get 'back' to my comfort zone as quickly as possible I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to, as soon as the clock turns 5, to pack up and...

Over the holidays I had taken a break from writing, which isn't necessarily recommended, but still something I did. Now that the holidays are over, and moving back into my "normal" routine, I can see this point of questioning... why, when my routine changes, I think I must stop supporting myself? It's like I put everyone on hold... the pause button is pushed, and I am in a state of not moving until it's all over. I can see how in these moments of when our routine changes the most, when we are out of our comfort zones, that's when our self-support can assist greatly. As I was writing earlier this morning, it was like wading through a mucky, muddy pool of gunk that was hard to maneuver within. I see this as a consequences to stopping the flow of me as my expression. Writing, self-introspection, self-forgiveness... these are things that I must still practice because they are not yet completely and absolutely a part of my being. I am still in the process of ch...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider ideas for things I can do in certain moments as being self supportive or challenging myself to move past what I have accepted as my limitations yet not follow through as instead following the idea with back chats of "I can't do this" and "this will take too long" or "this will be to hard for me" and just accept these statements as reason enough to not follow through in moments where I see I can do something that actually supports me, challenges me and moves me beyond what I have accepted as what I am capable of I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of following through with ideas I have as opportunities I can give to myself in moments where I will have an idea to do something, but instead just accept the thoughts I have about me, about what I am limited to and accept at face value the back chats that tell me "don't do it...

There is this point of not wanting to ‘start over’ whereas I am already established within certain positions/points in my life, as there is already a sense of comfortability. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting over I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to start something new within having a point already established within myself, within my life and thus use this as an excuse to ‘stay put’ and to not move myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despite seeing in self honesty that holding onto something just because I am comfortable within its developed pattern, my developed pattern of ‘ who I am ’ and ‘how I act’ within it, want to hold onto this point of ‘comfortability’ in fear of having to start over, of having to actually change I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing within the desire to hold onto a pattern that I define as ‘comforta...