586: Moving through the Muck and Daily Maintenance

Over the holidays I had taken a break from writing, which isn't necessarily recommended, but still something I did. Now that the holidays are over, and moving back into my "normal" routine, I can see this point of questioning... why, when my routine changes, I think I must stop supporting myself? It's like I put everyone on hold... the pause button is pushed, and I am in a state of not moving until it's all over.

I can see how in these moments of when our routine changes the most, when we are out of our comfort zones, that's when our self-support can assist greatly. As I was writing earlier this morning, it was like wading through a mucky, muddy pool of gunk that was hard to maneuver within. I see this as a consequences to stopping the flow of me as my expression. Writing, self-introspection, self-forgiveness... these are things that I must still practice because they are not yet completely and absolutely a part of my being. I am still in the process of changing and creating me. And only doing the physical work - the daily sorting of my own mind, finetuning and consistent understanding, will it become part of me naturally. Because I have never known how to express myself, express my responsibility and self-honesty in my thoughts, words, and deeds, it takes practice. to learn how to do that, and consistent application to keep it an active part of my awareness, and behavior, And it may take 9 more years of practice.... but whatever needs to be done.

So I can see the importance of not stopping when we step out of our comfort zone.... not to go into a freeze mode and rather continue to constantly support ourselves, especially when we are facing things we don't normally do. Daily maintenance. Daily practice... until we perfect it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop self-supportive tools such as writing and self-forgiveness when my routine changes and I'm in the midst of a new experience

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to challenge me when I want to stop and freeze self-support while I'm out of my comfort zone, and just wait until it passes so I can 'get back to normal' instead of realizing what is normal would be to be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and not change who I am or how I live or what actions I take depending on what's going on around me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself when I need the support the most such as being in situations where my routine goes out the window and I am out of my comfort zone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a pause on my writing when I'm out of my normal routine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my self-support such as writing and self-forgiveness to be conditional to only 'my normal routine' and so what I'm most familiar with, as the comfort zone I've created as my life, instead of pushing those moments of supporting myself in all context and scenarios to ensure I am establishing and maintaining the baseline of who I am and who I want to be

When and as I see myself wanting to stop/pause/put on hold my self-support such as writing and self-forgiveness when I'm outside of my normal routine, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this want is not embracing the newness of a moment I am presented with and do not maintain my daily self-support implies a conditional relationship between me, my process with writing and self-forgiveness and my normal routine. And so I commit myself to challenge this notion that I must stop and wait for normalcy to come back into my life instead of realizing the opportunity and potential I have to expand in the uncomfortable zone that is not my normal routine... to actually take that moment of facing new experiences with others, to see who I am within it, to forgive those parts of myself that I see don't align to the best version of me, and to change me in the discomfort of 'not my routine' to be 'doesn't matter where or with whom I'm with... I remain the same."

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