594: Grounding the Feminine

The other day I had a discussion with some women about femininity. It was a topic I was not initially comfortable with as I felt as if I didn't have a real point of reference on the subject... other than the fact that I am a woman.

As we were moving through the discussion, I still felt like I 'didn't have the point' - like I couldn't really ground myself in our conversation because it was like this big ass question within me of 'what is femininity?' I can see some very surface programming within me of what I've defined as femininity, but I didn't have a new, fresh, grounded definition that I could really grab a hold of. What is femininity?

One of the girls gave an outstanding example that really put it into context for me. She said masculinity is like planning a drive to a lake... they have the details of what time you'll leave, how long it will take to get there, what time you'll arrive. The structured, planning, already decided route prior to going part of the trip. Where the more feminine aspect would to be to 'color' it in - ideas of where to stop on the way, how to make it more creative, and flowing/in the moment type of experience, making it more than just the actual structure of the trip... perhaps the type of music or directing the conversation on the way - fun activities to do on the way.

For me, this was a very cool way of looking at masculinity and femininity and what I can see is that within my partnership with my husband... I am actually more of the masculine and he is more of the feminine. I work in a law office, I have become very structure-oriented over the year... I really began to find stability in my life when I worked with to-do lists, daily schedules and creating plans, and organizing myself very structurally. Whereas my partner... well, he's an artist.

And even more interesting in the past year is how this more creativeness/free flowing/in the moment/expressive side of me has been emerging. I have started getting into more projects and coming up with more ideas that seemed to be so 'not me' as they were creative. And I can see actually how the support of my partner helped to bring this expression through me more. We've had times when we do art together.. I've painted a few paintings myself. And just in general hearing about his process in creating art, I began to understand what it means to be creative, (like writing blogs is being creative), or how one lives creatively and it was fun and fascinating and exciting because it was like this new wor(l)d was opening up within me. Just like the word femininity, creativity was not a word I had much of a relationship with. And I can see how limited my definition of both of these words prohibited me from actually living and expressing them within myself.

So it took a man to support me in understanding my own femininity - go figure!

Another aspect of what I realized today in our chat with femininity was how as women, we tend to get labeled emotional, erratic, 'all over the place' because femininity is more free-flowing/going with the flow/in the moment spontaneity - where that masculinity is more grounded and stable but what I can now see is how BOTH really do serve each other best together. They compliment each other - it's like the yin and the yang which creates a complete and whole expression - a balance if you will.

I can see for myself that the masculinity I've been living as being structured and organized has created the stability I needed in my life, but with that being a strength, I can now actually create and express the feminine. I will say I have always been open and 'go with the flow' type, so perhaps there has always been a nice balance within me, but now the understanding can expand as I incorporate the creativity aspects into the feminine part of myself.

Okay - that's what I have to share on that. Thanks to the ladies for the inspiring conversation, and thanks to my partner for showing me the femininity in me and thanks to myself for being the masculine presence I needed in my life to create and live stability that now acts as a foundation I can express from.

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