611: Fear to Delegate (16 of 30)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be a delegator
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too less of myself to be in a position of delegating tasks and responsibilities to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask someone to do something because I fear and anticipate a reaction from them.... assuming they will become upset with me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someone becoming upset with me if I ask them to do something... fearing have to face that experience of someone being upset with me and create all sorts of ideas of what this means and how they think of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower and weaken myself in relation to delegating tasks as thinking and believing I can't possibly do it because I want to avoid the assumed reactions others will have if I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to think people will automatically, absolutely get upset with me if I delegate tasks to them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people with this defense mechanism activated within me where I'm tense with anticipation in assuming they will get upset with me and lash out on me if I do something they define as wrong and so within this, to rather just be quiet, and 'in my place' where I don't make a fuss and I don't have to face the wraths of others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I cannot stand up within myself as delegating tasks and responsibilities as per what is most practical for a working group/environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will think I am overstepping myself or assume I see myself as superior to them if I attempt to delegate tasks
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who are certain and assertive within themselves where they have no problem delegating tasks and to within this, define and judge them as bossy or controlling and so thus project this definition I place on others in a delegating role, onto others I may have to delegate to in thinking and believing THEY will think of me the same way I think of others in such a position
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize this is a mind fuck
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to twist myself around within myself in thinking what they are thinking based on what I've been thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do so much damn thinking in life instead of working with practical reality actions and seeing who I am and who I can be in dropping all these effing thoughts about things
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my own mind as ideas and beliefs and assumptions to keep myself in a space of limitation wherein I will not allow myself to express other than what I've always expressed which is a 'keep it quiet and safe' kind of girl, where I look to avoid stirring up any trouble and just keep things quiet and calm in the safety of my fear of the wrath others becoming harsh with me if I do anything that challenges them or irritates them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always fear to be a certain way, like assertive, self-confident, and self-authoritative instead of perhaps LIVING it and seeing who I am in the physical expression of these things instead of assuming the fear I have towards these expressions are accurate
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice living new expressions as a point of self-expansion where I take these fears and face them in real-time where I put myself in the position to delegate tasks as challenging this programming that suggests I cannot be in such a position
When and as I see myself fearing to delegate tasks and responsibilities to others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fear is actually a fear based on an assumption of how others are going to react to me when I ask them to do something.... this is a projection of what I think is going to happen, instead of walking in the real-time moment of living it and seeing for real how they respond and so I commit myself to practice real-time living/application rather than trusting my mind's idea of how someone will react to me delegating tasks to them
When and as I see myself thinking about what others are thinking about me, as what I'm thinking about them, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this is a mind fuck of my own creation and I can simply stop it by not participating in the thoughts... and so I commit myself to stop the thoughts as they are running in my mind and instead stick to my breath as the real-time living application
I commit myself to face my fears as a point of self-expansion
I commit myself to change my programming from the weak, scared girl to the strong, stable, steady, steadfast, confident woman who trusts herself to walk in the moment, directly, clear and certain.
I commit myself to release myself from the programming of my life wherein I have taught to be certain ways in certain situations... I commit myself to face life as a new day as if I'm born again without any preconceived ideas... open and embracing what is here
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| Art By: Anna Brix Thomsen |
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