598: My War with Women (3 of 30)

When I look back at my life I had a handful of very close relationships with women. These are the tight bonds, the inseparable months or years, looking towards only each other to make each other laugh... and they ended in complete destruction. When I look at the people in my life that I have the most conflict towards today, it's also women.

While I feel the safest with women, I also see the most conflict in relation to women.... and since women need to stand up within themselves, and this world, to take lead on showing the way of creating a world that nurtures and cares for what's best for all, I got some work to do...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into conflict with other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into comparisons with other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into jealousy in relation to other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the conflict I experience in relation to other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question or identify the reasons why the most conflictual relationships in my life have been with other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to compete with other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the extent to which comparisons compromise my relationship with other women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see women as either better or worse than myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply the belief that there is only one winner when it comes to women and if I see other women being successful, feel inferior and less than within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually want other women to fail so that I can succeed in the belief there can only be one winner instead of realizing this is a belief embedded in a society that does not honor the life as all equally and pits each other against each other because well... divide and conquer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be divided and conquered  as a women in the group of women of this world where I do not realize we have all been subject to an external definition of who women are and have not come together to define ourselves in relation to each as what's best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must fight with women to find strength within myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the strength in numbers and the commonality all women have as being survivors, resilient, and persistent - never giving up the realizing that we are capable, able and the real guardians of this world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create an atmosphere within myself where I welcome women into my life with open arms and not automatically put up a wall of defence towards them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I must be better than other women to be better within society

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can continue the way I exist as the competition, comparison, and jealousy towards other women and still create change in this world... and still create equality in this world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to celebrate the successes of other women

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live self-empowerment in relation to other women where I see their successes as my own and learn from women in my life who show me they have something to offer

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the value of women

That last statement is quite interesting as it implies while I expect the world to embrace women for the powerful force they are, I am not valuing them as that myself as I still am in separation with them as I compare myself to them, I compete against them, and I am jealous of them so how the hell can I expect the world to embrace women as the leaders we need when I cannot even do that within myself.

Here clearly the need to bring it back to self... and this is why I do forgiveness... to reveal to myself the mess I've created within myself, and that is reflected in this world. I do not want other women to succeed, and this world has done everything it can to prevent women from succeeding. This is definitely a point that, if change, can change the course of this world. Time for us to embrace the women, within ourselves, and so within this world.

I am not done with this point, I will continue... though that is all for tonight. Thanks for walking with. And women - let's be the catalyst of change this world needs, starting with lifting each other up out of our inner war and into a collective that stands as what's best for all.

Art By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

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