09 June 2013

Day 195: The "To Do" List & the Illusion of Living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within my physical reality wherein physical points come up that I have either committed to or see are necessary to 'walk through' and complete and to within this react to having to address or walk through physical reality points in the moment, as they arise, that I did not expect or 'plan for' because of this idea I have created and accepted within my mind of 'what today will look like' in terms of what I would like to have gotten done

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my days within my mind of the tasks and responsibilities that are required to be done and to within this say "yes, this is what I will do today and this is how it will look and this is how i will feel if/when I do all these things" and so when physical reality reveals an alternate point that was not in the list within my mind of the things I 'wanted' to do, react in not wanting to stray from the mind's image of what today would have looked like if I would have been able to 'live out' what I imagined within my mind today

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize myself within time effectively wherein I see moments where I allow myself to wander into my mind and into various points of distraction as fueling energy within me and not breathe here in directing myself in what is actually necessary and practical to be done as within the consideration of what is best for all, and so then go into my mind of making a list of 'things to do' as a way to give myself direction - yet still within the perspective of my mind and not in actual physical reality, and so then when physical reality reveals other points that I must 'do', react because I am now not able to 'make up' for certain consequences I had created in not utilizing myself within time effectively and thus the reason why I am attempting to hold onto the 'to do' list in my mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make the decision within moments of not directing myself to instead feed myself within energy, wherein I go into my mind or into certain behaviors or actions or activities that I use to distract myself within generating positive feelings that suffice for me for that moment in not having to actually direct myself, within this judging what is necessary to be done such as responsibilities and commitments within my daily life as being 'hard' and 'negative' and thus within this perspective/definitions, instead want to find ways to 'feel good/positive' - attempting to run away form the negative definition i have given to various points within my life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define specific and certain points within my life that I must complete daily or at least weekly within a negative energy charge and to then define them as 'hard work' and allow myself to create a resistance to them so that when it comes time to actually, physically do the work - the physical labor as being here, breathing and directing myself through each point, judge it and myself essentially as 'not able' and so then search and seek out the better feeling that I define within others activities and thus then allow myself to accumulate the work I 'leave behind' which then lead to me creating lists within my mind as my own attempt to become responsible for what I am accepting and allowing in 'putting things off' for later - yet reality requires my specific attention and direction and I am not able to live out the to do list in my mind, react that I cannot - simply revealing that i am reacting to myself in not becoming PHYSICALLY responsible for myself as self moment (movement) and responsibility within all things/points within my reality that required to be done/dealt with/taken care of and instead still trying to live out of my mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I were to become self directive, in every moment, as each breath, moving myself to walk through each point of responsibility throughout my day in no longer accepting and allowing ANY resistance to direct me, but to walk within the consideration of what is necessary to be done, without my opinions or judgement of it, then I would not accumulate the belief that i need a 'to do list' within my mind of how I would 'like my day to look' in completing these tasks and then become reactive when I require to do other things that are not on my 'to do list' in my mind, that come up in my day in physical reality, realizing that if I were effective from the start - as the starting point of self responsibility and movement to DO what is best for me/all as considering what is necessary to be done, then I would create space within myself and within my environment where I am able to simply let go of what I would like to do and deal with 'what is here' and thus no longer exist as a reactive robot that attempts to impose an image within my mind of how I would 'like' to live and instead actually live, in physical reality, in space and time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up lists of things to do in my head instead of simply just doing them in actual reality

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a to do list within my head of things I would like to complete within the day within the energy of already completing them and adding value to myself as defining myself as 'doing a good job' because within my mind I see myself already completing the to do list, yet fail to actually live it out - making it real and thus only existing as an image within my mind as the illusion I trust more than physical reality

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to absolutely in all ways realize that who I am as how I live in actual physical reality is what defines 'who I am' and NOT what I see within my mind of who I am and what I do - as that picture of me within my mind is NOT real - it is make believe that I use to make myself feel better within self interest in thinking and believing that i am living when physical reality proves I am not as I do not yet live completely physically here as walking each moment with/as my physical body, directing myself within my physical environment within all things that are  here and require my attention and direction and so I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to live without the mind form the perspective of no longer seeing myself in how I live as an image within my mind, yet to live out loud and bring to life the living applications i see are best for all as how I am able to live/exist in each moment as self directive; directing myself and no longer taking direction from/as my mind as the image that only create the illusion of life.

Self Correction Statements in the blog to follow...

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