650: Test your Stability - Change your Routine

A point here of feeling like nothing is normal - I am currently healing from a couple wisdom teeth being removed and so it's completely shifted what I've been doing the last few days, what I am able to do, what I can eat and can't eat - totally changing my routine and within that, within me, there is a yearning for "normalcy" as a point of the external environment being my point of stability - the normalcy keeping me feeling normal. The realization that it must come from within me and this exercise in being outside my comfort zone as my routine being completely shifted shows a deception within me where I created stability to come from outside of myself as my daily routine instead of from within/as myself as who I am...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my physical condition as 'just wanting things back to normal' and to within this, force myself and my body to be normal even though I am causing more harm than good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed and agitated by the lack of normalcy I am currently in, wherein my whole routine is changed and my physical ability is diminished wherein I have to take things slow and take into more consideration of what I eat and instead of wanting to walk with what my body and condition needs and requires, rather want to just 'be normal' again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe my situation is not normal and to within this, yearn for a normal that I've defined as what I'm comfortable with instead of embracing and getting comfortable in the discomfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need things to be the same day in and day out to have any kind of stability within myself instead of realizing that the stability must come from within me, and not based on my physical environment or routine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet create consistent stability from within/as myself and instead place that stability on my external environment and routine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yearn for a normalcy in my routine where I can do the same actions, and say the same things, and eat the same foods, and everything is timed around the same time each day and to within this, feel comfortable and controlled wherein there are no surprises and that to me is stability instead of realizing I have been deceiving myself all this time as stability is not something that is separate from me but comes from within/as me and so I can have massive change and surprises - each day being so different from the previous, and still remain stable as it is Who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need things to be the same day in and day out in order to feel stable

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create inner stability that supports no matter what is going on around me or outside of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can be stable even if things change around me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted an allowed myself to trust on who I am as the point of stability I can count on

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can trust myself as who I am as a point of stability that will support me through moments of instability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe when things are different outside of me or if I can not do the same tasks I normally do, then my stability is lost instead of realizing that I have separated myself from my own stability by placing it outside/separate from me here as actions I take rather than who I am as my reason for taking action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can separate myself from my own stability

When and as I see myself reacting to things not being normal, or having to step out of what is normal to me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am in such a reaction implying my routine or 'same' external environment is what produces my stability and within that, am separating myself from my own self-stability and so I commit myself to realize that stability is within who I am and thus the actions I take and that I can actually trust myself to remain stable in each moment according to who I am regardless if things around me change and so  I commit myself to count on myself in moments of instability as standing within my own inner-stability where the stability I am comes from who I am and not where I am or what is around me

I commit myself to create my inner-stability to support the outer-stability

I commit myself to be willing to stand in the unknown and abnormal moments as finding comfort in what's uncomfortable

I commit myself to challenge myself more to be uncomfortable as where I can create a self-comfort to expand

I commit myself to rooted my stability HERE within/as me by pushing to change things up in my daily routine as not following the same ol', same ol' and rather trying something new

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