646: Standards of the Gold Star

A potential opportunity here that triggered some reactions within me here I feel as though I 'didn't act soon enough' or 'I was too late coming out of the gate.' This is in relation to an opportunity that is similar to something I had considered a few months or so ago and discussed with my partner on various occasions. It's this nature of feeling like missing out when you see others moving on things you considered doing yourself or feeling like you are 'behind' because something emerges that you wanted to do but didn't act on immediately. It's like there are only so many ideas in this world, and if you come up with something, so are a lot of other people and then it becomes a race to who ' shows or does it first'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I see others moving within things I wanted to move within myself - wherein I had considerations and ideas about certain paths but didn't act on them immediately, instead gave excuses and justifications to stop me and so then when I see others moving within similar points, feel a point of 'I missed out" and "now it's done, I can't do it too"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there are only so many ideas to be creative within this world and it's a race to see who can 'get it first' as a point of scarcity in our innovative natures and that if someone comes out first with something similar to what I wanted to do, it devalues me, my considerations, ideas and how I express it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and fear being left behind where I fear not being able to keep up with the creative and innovative expressions that seem to be coming through and to feel as if I am outside of that creative wave and so have missed the boat as others came up with the ideas first and now I cannot pursue similar ideas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe if someone else has done something I wanted to do, I can no longer do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that having a similar idea to someone else devalues me instead of realizing it actually adds more value as there is an equal seeing of opportunities and innovation taking place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse "it's already been done" as a reason not to pursue certain interests of mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry more about what others are doing as a point of wanting to 'stay ahead of the game' instead of investing that time and attention and focus on what I'd like to express and create

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself in thinking others have more skills than me and so will move quicker in points and opportunities and ideas and to use that as an excuse to not move myself instead of realizing I could rather empower myself to spend the time needed to LEARN the skills to create that which I would like to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I must be the first - the winner, the best, the first one out of the gate and the first one across the finish line as the programming from school were the gold star was passed out to the student with the best marks or the first right answer and to thus strive to get that gold star as the recognition of 'being the best' instead of pushing for my personal best as a point of self-development and expansion and allowing myself to create and express based on what is best for me - not to win a competition

When and as I see myself feeling left behind, or behind the times, or that I missed an opportunity someone else has taken advantage of, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this is in relation to the childhood programming of the student with the right answer getting the gold star and that this fuels competition and the belief there can only be ONE winner and so everyone else is second best and so not THE best and so I commit myself to rather push for self-perfection within my self-expression wherein I am not moving based on competition and the need to be number one, or to have the right idea or creative outlet and instead develop myself within the skills I require to pursue the avenues I am interested in - making my best the priority instead of being the best as the best implies a loser

I commit myself to stop making excuses to not move myself ot learn new skills to take on new ventures and interests

I commit myself to stop competing with others in needing to beat them as being the first with the right idea

I commit myself to encourage others as I would like to be encouraged and support the innovators and ones willing to create and express themselves within their ideas

I commit myself to create something new in this world as a new way to live and be and express and relate to others

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