657: A Creator Trapped in it's Own Creation

A point here of realizing the extent to the addiction and automatic habit I've created out of smoking and within that, the realization of the power I have as a creator because as a creator, I've enslaved myself into my own decision and choices. Throughout the years I made a decision in many moments to smoke which created it to become automatic to the point where I don't have to decide anymore, the body/mind/being smokes without the decision needing to be made. It's an established and accepted habit. Now - in making the decision to stop, I have to go against my very own programming that I designed... and finding that very difficult yet also very revealing... a creator trapped in its own creation...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reward myself with a cigarette after I finish an activity - as if smoking is the reward I get for completing a task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the habit through consistent action of having a cigarette every time I finish doing something... whether getting ready for work, or making dinner, or eating dinner, or writing a blog... to always go have a smoke and through the years, programming myself to automatically go for one without even having to think about it and so when I stop the smoking habit, see the automation in its full expression as the thought and physical sensation rise throughout my body to move myself to smoke

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I program myself within certain habit and behaviors... through years of accepting and allowing moments of those certain behaviors and habits that eventually, in time, become part of my physical design wherein I do not even have to think about it anymore, my body just 'does it'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the amount of time I've spent programming myself and my body to be a smoker and to smoke after specific activities and during specific moments throughout the day and that I may have to walk equally the same amount of time to rid myself of the programming from my physical flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to smoke cigarettes to where I become addicted and it becomes an automatic habit, but to then feel helpless and powerless in stopping the habit instead of realizing how powerful I am actually as I have trapped myself into a habit through my own actions that I now believe I cannot stop

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how powerful I am through moments of acceptance and allowance and to not realize the extent of my power as what I accept and allow, over time, consistently becomes part of my physical flesh

When and as I see myself wanting to smoke after certain activities, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have programmed myself throughout years of acceptance and allowances to smoke after certain activities and that I must now be equally committed to creating a consistent stopping in those same moments as the only way in which I will de-program myself from the smoking program I've conditioned myself to live out and so I commit myself to stick to my breath and breathing in those moments when the physical flesh tells me I want to smoke as the physical sensation of the habit formed in my body and to not give in to the automation of my own creation that says, within every fiber of my being, to just smoke. I commit myself to instead stand as the point of change where I am choosing to not follow the program I've created and to instead create me into something new

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