Day 672: Justifying a Lesser Version of Me

I had another moment this week where a co-worker corrected my work – again I wasn’t slowing down and ensuring my work was complete. I started to react but I could see where I created it – it wasn’t my co-worker trying to do anything, it was me missing the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when a co-worker corrected my work in front of my boss in fear my boss would be upset and think I’m not a good worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a co-worker talking badly about me to others about the work that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame a co-worker for doing something I imagined her doing, not something she actually did as far as I know

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, in realizing the problem and the solution to me reacting to a co-worker, still not apply the correction/solution and instead continue to move too fast and not pay attention to the finer details of my work

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, instead of reacting to a co-worker seeing the mistakes I made in my work, to rather be more thorough in not creating the mistakes

When and as I see myself rushing through my work and not slowing down, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is what creates mistakes and others catching those mistakes and then me reacting to others noticing my mistakes and so I commit myself to slow down and take responsibility for my work and apply/direct myself within my work to my utmost potential – actually giving it my very best

I notice with things I’m “not interested in” I don’t want to give it my best – I want to do the bare minimum. I guess it’s not just things I’m not interested in, it’s also things I resist. There are aspects of my job and school that I still resist that I think I’m not interested in but it’s actually a resistance – like there is something I am resisting and so I just shut down and feel weakened like ‘I can’t do the work”. I think I don’t want to do it but really I’m facing a resistance.

I had a lot of resistance to my school work this semester and while I’m ending it somewhat stronger than I was throughout the course, I know I can do better. I am not satisfied.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give my all in what I do, no matter what it is as a point of living my utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give my best in things I don’t want to do or am not interested in doing or am resisting instead of realizing it doesn’t matter WHAT I do, it’s about who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s not about what I do it’s about who I am and when I’m not giving my all in things I don’t want to do, I am accepting a lesser version of myself and essentially defining myself according to that thing I don’t want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lesser than the things I don’t want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as more than the things I don’t want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my experiences rather than my will

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself to the best of my ability in all tasks that I do

When and as I see myself resisting things or not wanting to do things and to within that, not give it my all I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this is accepting a lesser version fo myself and defining myself according to my experience rather than what is best for me as living my utmost potential and so I commit myself to not be influenced or swayed by my experience to things and rather make decisions that express my self-will, discipline, and directive principle to create the best version of me 

 

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