Day 82 - Excusing my Mind's Reaction for not Supporting Others

The other day was my day to moderate the desteni forum. What I saw, and have seen as a pattern – is every time I get to a post that I define as ‘long’ or ‘beyond’ something I can support – I will not moderate or offer any support. What I see within these moments is – looking at the post, then the future projection within my mind is of me taking on each statement/sentence/point that someone has written – and I will be addressing each point. And then within this, the reaction arise that it will ‘take to long’ and then I give up before I even try – or am not at all giving what I have already received –which is the time and support others gave to me unconditionally while I was just starting out walking this process. And so not considering, again others, or standing in their shoes, but only considering myself in the moment.

Also I see a point of not trusting myself to actually be able to support – wherein I still define myself as inferior or ‘less then’ others within process, through comparison and judgment, define myself as unable to offer support others can, or I believe they can do better then me, and so don’t write anything and allow someone else to support them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of reading through post on the desteni forum, to in a moment, separate myself from the breath, and go into my mind as a future projection as an image of my writing out a response to the post, wherein I take each sentence/statement/point that someone has written, and write a response/support/suggestion and to then within this react to the image within my mind as the back chat of, "this will take too long" and thus give up based on something that is not even real, yet a reaction to something in my mind, thus validating the mind reality as being 'real' through reacting to it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mind's images of me writing out a response to a forum post as being "too long" and based on accepting this image and reaction being real, not provide any support or assistance, that was giving to my unconditionally in my beginning stages of walking process

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by future projection as images within my mind of me writing a response and to within this decide it will take to long, and thus allow the mind to direct me within my physical living, wherein I will not write a response because my mind told me it will take too long

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define writing support or a response on the desteni forum as 'taking too long'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself, as the living breath, being a living being that decides for myself what I will or will not do, and instead allow the mind to direct me in moments in telling me what it too hard or too long or within that decide based on something that has not even happened

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been giving an opportunity to stand equal to and one with those on the forum that are applying themselves within the tools of self transformation, and as I was supported to walk my process, I am now in a position to support others, but instead allow the mind to direct me in moments that I define as 'taking to long' to response and thus allowing my self interest to direct me, instead of realizing that I could share something of support that could assist and support another being, as I was assisted and supported in my own self realizations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others on the desteni forum, who are daring themselves to become self honest and sharing themselves unconditionally, as when I face an opportunity to equally share myself unconditionally, I turn the other cheek and ignore the gift I am giving to myself in the moment, equally as others, to share and express and support each other in our walking a process of self responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that while I am able to support others on the desteni forum, I am equally as one being supported within my own process, of facing the mind as the characters I have defined as "who I am' and who I believe I am, and what i think I can or cannot do and thus I forgive myself that i Have not accepted and allowed myself to walk through the resistance of facing others writings, standing equal and one as them, in supporting myself as I support them - to stop taking direction from the mind, but to direct myself as the breath, to walk through the minds barricade that I have built to keep me from seeing/realizing/understanding and thus expanding who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my own self interest of what I want to do before giving unconditionally to others, equally as I have received

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other destonians walking the process of birthing self as life through judging myself as inferior to others as not being able to be effective in giving support to others on the desteni forum, wherein I will decide that others can give support, and I will pass on my gift of expressing and sharing myself in a moment, believing that I am not good enough and someone else can do it better

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others on the desteni forum within my comparison as being inferior to them within process, wherein I believe I am not 'good enough' to offer support and allow myself to believe others can offer better support, instead of realizing we are equally walking the same process and thus different life experiences and perspectives of the same process only allow for the expansion of self realization for all participants and thus I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to give of myself as I have received from others in sharing myself within my process and self realizations

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and excuse of "others can offer better support" as the reason to why I allow the mind to direct me in not offering support to others on the desteni forum

When and as I see myself walking through the desteni forum, and see myself go into the future projections within my mind and then react and within this decide whether I will write a response or not - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the directive principle that is me here, in the moment, allowing myself to decide based on practical physical reality whether I am able to response or not, and no longer allow the illusionary reality of the mind of a future projection that does not exist, direct me within deciding to not post a response - I commit myself to getting real, breathing and allowing myself to share unconditionally, as others have shared with my unconditionally and we equally as one support each other to expand and grow and learn about what it means to be a real human being within self honesty as self responsibility in this world

When and as I see myself validating and justifying the reason as to why I am allowing the mind to direct me in moments of sharing on the desteni forum, I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to justify the dishonesty in which I've allowed as letting a future projection and the reaction to it direct me in not sharing or supporting

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other destonians as being "better within process" I stop and I breathe and allow myself to be back here, back in reality, where we are all equally as one walking the exact same process in learning how to become self honesty, self forgiving and correcting our living to be within equality and oneness as what is best for all and thus realize that comparisons and judgments do not exist in such a reality, as equality implies EQUALITY, and thus all are equal

I commit myself to stop allowing the characters within my mind as who I define myself to be direct me in my physical living, I commit myself to push through the walls I have created within myself that tell me I cannot do something, realizing this is limitation, and thus I push myself to expand myself and dare myself to live, as I realize I have not fully allowed this of myself, I have only kept myself contained within the perceived security of the mind

I commit myself to sharing with others on the desteni forum with the support and assistance I am able to offer from the process I have walked thus far for myself, thus allowing myself to give that which I have received, unconditionally support and assistance to see beyond the veil of the mind and begin to consider the physical reality as a human being that lives and breathes here

I commit myself to trust myself in the moments of self expression as sharing with others on the desteni forum,trusting myself to be self honesty and open enough to support another being within their own process, as I have been supported within my own

I commit myself to stop the self interest of the mind and stand in the shoes of othres here - equal and one as me

Featured Art Work by:
Andrew Gable and JL Kenney