687: Gestational Diabetes - Learning How to Make Mistakes

 

January 25, 2021

After my last blog, a day of going into the extreme opposite of what I thought I was doing wrong (I was eating too much sugar so I cut out all sugar/carbs) and discussing my experience with my partner and a friend I realized it doesn't serve me to go into the opposite extreme either. The reality is my diet is overall balanced but there are a few minor adjustments I could make to ensure I am not overindulging in things that are not necessarily on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. 

So - did I react to my gestational diabetes test results? Yes! Did it show me aspects of myself I was being dishonest about? Yes! Am I a horrible mom and have already fucked up my child? Of course not. 

It was a hard experience - well I was being hard on myself. I felt like quite a failure, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. But in reality - I made some mistakes, I can forgive myself for it, take responsibility for it, and LEARN from what has been done. I don't need to punish myself or blame myself or judge myself or wallow in self-pity. I can stand up and become directive over/as myself to ensure I am always, in all ways, making decisions that are best for all (which starts with best for me). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too hard on myself when I think I've made a mistake wherein I will judge myself and diminish myself with ideas of how bad/wrong/guilty I am for doing what I did instead of accepting the miss-takes, taking responsibility for the mistakes, and correcting the miss-takes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an automatic response to things I believe I've done wrong with being hard on myself in thinking and believing this is the proper way to respond to miss-takes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself so extensively in my life without ever allowing myself to understand myself, and why I am the way that I am or why I do the things I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I'm hard on myself and diminish myself in punishing myself in various ways then that indicates I am sorry and taking responsibility for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am a failure because I make mistakes instead of being okay with making mistakes as part of a learning process

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be more understanding with myself when I see I've made a mistake - to treat myself like an innocent child wherein there is no blame or judgment, there is simply understanding that the child is learning and will eventually get it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as a judgment in any and all forms existent within existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I make a miss-take I have to go into the extreme opposite to "Make up" for what I did instead of realizing that often small changes and adjustments need to be made rather than a whole upheaval and drastic 180-degree change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I want to go into the extreme opposite of how I was doing something that this is a red flag for me to consider if I'm reacting to something I've done and to assess if such a move is actually best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed and ashamed for mistakes I make instead of embracing and sharing the lessons I learn as the real value to all I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus on the lessons I learn when making mistakes rather than focusing in on what I've done wrong

I forgive myself that I haven't yet accepted and allowed myself to give myself space and time to assess who I am/was in the actions I took before I decided to act/move into an apparent solution

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how much I am able to still SLOW DOWN before I speak, move or even think

When and as I see myself judging and blaming myself harshly for things I've done, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have a tendency to overreact in judgment towards myself and think and believe punishment is the way for me to correct what I've done instead of realizing that only through taking responsibility and forgiving myself for what I did can I, in fact, learn and make the miss-take valuable in my life and so I commit myself to not be so quick to judge myself for miss-takes and rather see where I can change myself in the future so that each miss-take becomes a reference/guide on my journey to self-awareness and doing what is best for me/all

I commit myself to wave the red flag for myself if I move to the extreme opposite of something in my attempt to correct/change myself/my behavior

I commit myself to slow myself down when assessing miss-takes I've made so that I don't jump to a solution that may only be compromising

I commit myself to take the time to understand myself more

I commit myself to be more patient with myself

I commit myself to practice self-honesty

I commit myself to investigate who I am when I make miss-takes so that I can see the misalignments that require my attention and direction

I commit myself to practice balance rather an overcompensation

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