684: My Body is All Wrong

 January 16, 2021

As a first-time pregnant woman I've heard about the infamous unsolicited comments and advice that come from others - and I've even read ways in which to not react to them. I just got my first such comment that kind of rattled me lol

I shared a picture of my 6 month-pregnancy belly and someone mentioned it seemed big for "only six months" and asked if I was sure it wasn't twins. 

I definitely had a reaction to these words, even though I KNOW it is a big belly for 6 months lol I have had the same sentiment. I have compared my belly to other women I've seen and mine definitely seems to be on the bigger end. But what can I do? I mean I am 6 months, there is 1 baby and my bump is what it looks like. 

So why judge or define it as "too big" or "too small" or even "just right"? 

I reacted to this person's word and thought, "you're not supposed to say that to a pregnant woman!" But the truth is, I had already said it to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset when someone said my belly seemed too big for being "only 6 months" because I think and believe there's something wrong with my belly size

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset with someone who said, "You must be having twins" as feeling insecure for how big I've gotten and how far along I'm not in the pregnancy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there are certain things you are not supposed to say to a pregnant woman just because others have said you are not supposed to say it to a pregnant woman instead of letting myself make up my own mind about who I am in a moment of hearing anything from anyone realizing I don't have to take things personally and I can take responsibility for myself and my experience to other's words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I should be ashamed or insecure about the size of my belly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe everyone thinks the same thing as this person that said my stomach seemed "too big" and think and believe they were all lying when they said I looked great

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and want to take my picture down so others can't judge me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am ugly and too big and I've done something wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a victim to my experience in relation to how I'm growing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of control in relation to how my body is growing 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame X for making a comment to me that makes me feel bad about myself instead of realizing I already felt this about myself before the comment and it is my responsibility to address this judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I'm of bigger size then I am somehow a lesser human and who I am become is unwanted and disregarded and dismissed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have less value because I'm getting bigger 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I live in a world that does not value the body for what it IS but rather what it looks like 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value my body for what it does rather than what it looks like

I forgive myself I have not accepted and allowed myself to love my body for what it is doing for me every single second of my life where it is ensuring my ability to be here and to live and to express

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to focus on the function of my body in how it is adapting to my growing uterus and providing space for my child to come into this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of what my body does for me on so many levels

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that who a person depends so much on how they look

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how every single BODY in this world is of the utmost value simply by how it functions and serves each person alive in actually giving and supporting LIFE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body to the extent I have 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how much abuse my body has taken from me over the years in constantly thinking it doesn't live up to "what it's supposed to look like"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is only 1 way my body is supposed to look and anything that does not fit that image I react to and ultimately judge as failing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I've been failing my body in not giving it the support and respect it requires through honoring it and being grateful for what it's doing for me in any moment

When and as I see myself judging myself for the size of my body - pregnant or not - I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there is not 1 way my body is supposed to look and there is not one size all bodies should be as a standard, and in thinking and believing my body is "supposed" to look a certain way I am missing the very point OF my physical body which is how it functions and supports my very LIFE in every single moment of my life and so I commit myself to focus in on what my body does for me, as to how it serves me in supporting my body to be ALIVE, rather than what it looks like and whether or not that looks "right" or "wrong"

I commit myself to realize, see, and understand there is no right or wrong body type

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am responsible for my emotions and feelings

I commit myself to change my relationship with my body to be more beneficial and supportive

I commit myself to not take others words towards me personally

I commit myself to not blame others for what they say to me and rather take responsibility for what I say to myself

I commit myself to not fear sharing myself and how I look

I commit myself to face my fears as what others may think about me by sharing myself as openly as I can

I commit myself to value, love, and appreciate my physical body in its entirety, every day, in all ways

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