213: Self Support through Stopping Addictions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define looking at and addressing the points coming up within as the nature of thoughts, back chats, emotions and feelings as 'too much' and within this resist supporting myself within them as facing them instead of suppressing them - which would be to either write them out/self forgive them or just ignore them, pretend they are not here, push them down down deep and go alone with my day in doing something else
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as 'overwhelmed' within all the points coming up within myself as my mind - where I have basically removed my suppressor pacifier and now all the shit I have been hiding from and ignoring is coming to the surface and within this want to resist and suppress it in other ways, such as sleeping and resist writing but here I support myself to no longer be directed by the limited version of myself that accepts submission to that which I define as 'an effort' and opt for the 'easy way' revealing that I don't want to actually change I just want to remain the same as easing myself into the process of automation - instead I push myself to no longer accept what I see is unacceptable within me and change myself in moments I see I am able - such as here, writing out the resistance to write self forgiveness for the experience/points coming up within me the last couple days
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and resentment projected outside and separate from me here because I Have removed my point of addiction as my suppression pacifier and so within this become agitated and irritated that I no longer have my habit I have programmed myself to be dependent upon for my stability
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to create and program myself in such a way where if I remove a habit that I participate within - I become irritated and agitated and to within this believe there is a 'grace period' that I am allowed to be irritable in thinking 'it is normal' and basically not graceful but more like spaced out or aggressive and so I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to accept this belief that because I Have removed an addiction from my life - that I will go through withdrawals and because of this "I am allowed" to be irritated, to lash out at others or not 'here' but instead unfocused and distracted and basically what I am saying is I don't have to direct myself - the withdraw from the addiction is 'more than me' and thus I just have to 'go through' this experience of irritation and anger until it pass, then I will be ok, instead of realizing I have the ability to stop it in any giving moment
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself through the process I am walking of stopping an addiction as I directed myself within the actual decision to stop my addiction - self directive and self supportive where I no longer accept myself to be separate or a slave to something outside of me or habits I have created as me and thus taking full responsibility for MY CREATION - realizing that this experience I Have accepted and allowed as going through 'withdraw' is my creation through my acceptance and allowance and to continue to allow this experience, even though I have realized that I AM my addiction - as I created it through my PARTICIPATION - allow myself to submit to the 'experience' of 'withdraw' as like a way to feel sorry for myself - not standing fully self responsible for what I accept and allow as ME - what I do, what i think - what I speak - all things that come from/as me and are a statement of who I am reflect my acceptance and allowance and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way where I accept a lesser version of me, even when I see I can be so much more, accept myself to fall into the trap of the mind as seeing it 'more than me' as being so persuasive instead of realizing "it" is ME - and so here I commit myself to stop buying into the belief that 'my mind' is somehow separate from me, outside of me, greater than me and more powerful then me - so much so that IT decides and directs the experience I HAVE within/as me as each moment - and instead I STAND EQUAL to/as my mind as WHO I AM as what I Have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as I realize it is a limited version of myself - it is still me and thus within this I have absolute power and control to DIRECT me in each moment and so here I commit myself to no longer taking orders from my mind as 'who I must be' in this moment as the 'experience' of myself and instead I breathe - breathing self directive decisions in each moment of what I will and will not accept and allow as a living statement of who I am.
I commit myself to purifying myself through a process of self transformation - standing equal to the limited version of myself as my mind that is addicted to all forms of energy and release myself from the dependency as a false belief that I require it to live - instead I choose life as who I really am, equal to and one with/as the physical and support myself within this walking/process/application in each moment as each breath and through daily writing and self forgiveness and self corrective statements
I commit myself to release myself from all forms of addictions and dependency so that I may stand here, free and clear without 'needing' anything but instead standing absolutely stable and sound, here, as who I really am
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