221: Trying to Secure a Moment
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define some moments as better or more special than others, where depending on what I am doing in a specific moment or who I am with or where I am and how I respond so that moment, in terms of how I react to it as either being positive or negative and thus how I feel about it – not want to let it go – so here defining some moments I share with others as better than when I am alone and thus not wanting to go into the alone moment and instead hold onto the shared moment because within that I define it as positive and fear of it ending
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk each moment as embracing what is here and not attempting to hold onto an experience I impose on a physical reality moment of what is actually here and instead want to exist in my relationship to it – to how I allow it to make me feel
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of a moment I share with others in fear of never having it again, as if I am losing something instead of realizing it is only the way I define myself and how I allow myself to react as the experience of myself in such a moment that I do not want to let go of and so revealing I am existing within my mind as how I interpret and define such moments and myself within it instead of walking consistently as each breath, as each moment, embracing and honoring each moment equally and not allowing self interest to determine how I see some moments as better than others because of how I have allowed it to make my feel/experience myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use some moments to define myself with – where when I share moments with another I feel good and want to hold onto the moment out of fear of who I am alone – who I am without such a definition I have given to myself in relation to a moment with another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stay in a moment as feeling an experience of sadness when a moment ends with another – and so not wanting to face this moment alone as a moment ending with another because of how I allow myself to experience myself in relation to the moment with another – as feeling happy and complete and safe – safe from the fears I have of losing what I perceive myself to gain in the moments with others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others in using them to define myself as either gaining something or losing something and if I perceive myself as gaining something such as acceptance or validation or security – then I do not want to let it go because here realizing I have not allowed myself to live such words as myself – as who I am in each moment and instead still seeking outside and separate form me here and thus I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I do and will find acceptance, validation and security outside and separate from me here instead of realizing the instability I create as the uncertainty I experience when I allow something/someone outside separate from me here to determine whether I experience myself as accepted, validated and secure – realizing that if I think I am not getting this from another/outside and separate from me here, then I go into reactions and emotions of feeling like I am missing something or without something instead of realizing the simplistic solutions of gifting myself with these points as myself – as how I live in physical reality, redefining myself as the existence of these words within me to be who I am/how I live/what I express as myself and no longer thinking I will find them outside of me
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I will find acceptance and validation and security outside and separate form me here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to my own belief that I can and will only find acceptance, validation and security outside and separate from me here
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to accept this belief that I receive acceptances, security and validation outside and separate from me here and thus when the point I define myself receiving these points from, is no longer ‘here’ as the moment that I am in/as, then I allow myself to experience a loss and go into a negative experience and thus desire the positive experience of still having that, instead of realizing I can stabilize this polarity experience I have created through standing/gifting/giving myself these points – realizing that only I can and thus the only time it will be real and constant
When and as I see myself reacting to walking out of a moment and entering a new moment as a change of environment or an interaction ending - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here, back to the simple solution of breath and realize I am here and the perception of 'loss' and thus desire to hold onto something exists only within my mind where I define myself according to that moment, or people that shared the moment with me and so Instead of allowing myself to validate such a belief about myself, as if I am missing something - I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to see/realize/understand that what I 'think' I am losing/missing when a moment ends that I define as better or positive that gives me a good feeling about myself, is points I have separated myself from, such as acceptance, validation and security and so instead I commit myself to investigate these words/expression within myself, see how I have separated myself from them and how I can redefine them within a physical living application that I can live as an expression of me and no longer allow myself to enslave myself to something outside separate from me here- no longer enslave myself to my own creation such as accepting that I am missing something or losing something when a moment ends and a new moment begins
I commit myself to realize that each moment is within/as each breath and as I take in the moment (breath in) as standing with 'what is here' as my physical reality, I then let it go, as I breathe out, allowing myself to not hold onto anything as trying to define myself according to it and instead walk breath by breath, moment by moment without judging some moments as better than others and instead allow myself to live consistently as each moment - as each breath and thus truly honoring myself as being here and my physical reality that I have been gifted with in the ability to realize what it actually means to Live
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