564: Are we FREE?
In some previous writings, it was revealed that I equate being thin with being free and through this I realized free is a word that I can redefine and actually LIVE for myself through my actions and so no longer limit its definition to be only of a picture in my mind of what free is, which at the moment is a specific body type as being thin.
If you are new to the idea of redefining and living words, there is a facebook page dedicated to sharing one's process with redefining words, as well as many videos on youtube explaining the process as well. You can check that out here and here.
Essentially I came to know about redefining and living words many years ago and was walking a process with it for quite some time, taking on many words that I wanted to live and express myself and in my life. I, however, as mentioned in a previous blog, faced some resistance more recently to the process though as I shared, when facing resistances, the only way through it is to actually walk through it - do that which you resist. And so let's begin.
I want to first start this process with some self-forgiveness on my current definition of the word free as through self-forgiveness I have come to find is where the gems of insights and realizations exist. The more you do the self-forgiveness on a particular point/topic, the more you are uncovering the ideas and beliefs and self definitions and as you apply each line, it's like another layer is remove and what you have left is the truth, raw, and real points that leave one self-empowered to actually direct oneself and one's life and one's relationship to things/people/relationships to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word free to be an image in my mind of a slender/thin body of a woman
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word free to be of an image in my mind and not a living action I can take and express
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I were thin, then I would be free and so within this realizing that if I am not thin as how I have defined it, then I am not free and so I have already enslaved myself within my own definition of the word FREE which in its essence means to be without restrictions/open/uninfluenced
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to a word that I've defined in limitation as free being an image in my mind that realistically I can NEVER live up to and so forever enslaving myself to this definition/image in my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I were thin life would be so much easier
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I were to simply change how I define the word FREE, I could FREE myself from a limitation and a definition that at its core enslave me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that life is easier for those that are thinner and to think and believe that people who are not thin have a more difficult time/life experience instead of realizing that through my acceptance and allowance of such an idea/definition, I am perpetuation that very way of thinking to exist - and not just in myself, in all others as well
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reinforce an idea within society that thin is being better than fat and thus fuel a comparison, judgment, and shame for all people as then we are constantly attempting to be something we think is good, and not wanting to be something we think is bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a reality where body type is revered as something greater in value than WHO a person is
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not yet realize that through my own definition of the word FREE, I am not actually free as I am forced to follow an idea as a picture image in my mind of what free is, and in that force to feel a certain way if I am not that
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to chain myself to the belief that woman have to be one shape and size and anything more than that is no longer appealing, is difficult and challenging and is somehow inferior
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to sustain the idea within myself and others that the shape of one's body matters more than who the being is within their body
I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to free myself from my own mental slavery as the images I hold within my mind of what I believe I should look like instead of accepting, embracing and caring for the body I have/am
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to project the idea that others want me to be thinner and if I was, I would be more interesting and appealing to them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave my express/beingness/character/personality to be according to the shape of my body in thinking if I were thinner I would be more expressive and more fun and more interesting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict myself in how I would like to live to be based on the shape of my body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate expressing myself freely and unconditionally because of an idea that I am not thin enough/appealing enough and so I should not draw any attention to myself
When and as I see myself thinking and believing I am a failure because I cannot live up to an image in my head of what it means to be free, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in my definition of the word free, I have in fact enslaved myself and limited myself to express myself openly and unconditionally and without changing my definition I will never free myself from the images within my mind and so I commit myself to remove these images in my mind of what it means to be free as having a thin body and rather embrace the body I have - the physical matter I am made up of and to focus rather on WHO I AM IN MATTER as my physical body as that is absolutely what matters most
I commit myself to stop perpetuating the idea within this world that to be thin is to be free and instead expand my definition of the word FREE to be a living action that I can express daily in who I am
I commit myself to explore how I can live and define the word free that is best for me and so for others
I commit myself to free myself from the definition of the word free I currently have that actually enslaves me
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